PS 3503 
.R63 W7 
1913 
Copy 1 



>RGE H. BROADHURST 




SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-3 



THE WRONG 

R. WRIGHT 



an ©riginal ComeOs in XLbxcc Bets 



GEORGE H. BROADHURST 



CJOPTRIQHT 1913, BY BrOADHTJRST BROTHERS 



CAUTION.— All persons are hereby -warned that"Tlie Wron^ 
Mr. 'Wright,** bein^ fully protected nnder the oopyright 
la-MTS of the United States, is. sabjeot to royalty, and anyone 
presenting the play M'ithont the consent of the author or 
his agent, -will be liable to the penalties by law provided. 
Application for stage rights must be made to Samuel French, 
28-30 West 3Sth Street. New Tork. 



ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 



New York 
SAMUEL FRENCH 
publisher 
28-30 WEST 38th STREET 



London 
SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

26 Southampton Stbbbt 
STRAND 



I 



JSsf 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 



CHAEACTERS 

Seymour Sites, who assumes the name of Mr. 

Wright. 
Wayland Clingstone, one of the boys long ago. 
Frederick Bonds, Sites' nephew. 
Captain Crosby, stationed at Fortress Monroe. 
Lord Brazenface, from the old country. 
Front, who runs the Hotel. 
David Clews, a fearless detective. 
Julia Bonds, Sites' niece. 
TiLLiE Bird, Miss Bonds' maid. 
Arabella Clingstone, an unappropriated angel. 
Henrietta Oliver, a fin de sieole detective. 

Place. Old Point Comfort. Time. To-day. 






Y^-\> 



. ^^"ll 



The Wrong Mr. Wright. 



3.' ACT I 

Scene: — Bright. Parlor of the Hygeia Hotel, Old 
Point Comfort, Entrances: to office L. u. E., 
Ladies' entrance l. 2. To elevator R. u. e. ; 
verandah c, looTcing on to beach. Parlor fur- 
nished in style customary at seaside hotels, with 
sofa L. ; water-cooler up stage c. ; large mirror 
up stage R. c. ; small writing desk and two chairs 
E. On desk a large square blotter, pen and ink. 
The entrance to the office shows the clerk's desk 
with register, gong, etc. The elevator is prac- 
tical. 

Curtain: — At rise of curtain sounds of approaching 
carriage wheels heard L. The single ring of the 
clerk's gong is heard and a voice in the office 
calls " Front ". " Front *' enters from office 
L. u. He is the average bell-boy, and wears the 
hotel livery. 

Front, {going to l. 2) Something is going to 
happen. That three-thirty boat's on time, {exit 
^ L. 2) 

{Enter Fred and Julia l. 2. Fred ;',<? about iircntij- 
one years old and is dressed in fashionable suni'' 
3 



4 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

mer attire. Julia is about twenty -three and is 
dressed in plain hut stylish traveling costume. 
While Julia's dress is fashionable it must not 
betray too many evidences of wealth.) 

Fred, {crosses c.) Wait here a moment, Julia, 
while I see if the rooms have been reserved. 

[(Exit Feed to office l. u. Enter Tillie and Front 
L. 2, with suit case, two tennis rackets, two 
umbrellas, hat box, parasol, etc. Tillie is about 
the same age as Julia and her dress is more 
handsome than that of the usual maid.) 

Julia, (r, c.) Is that everything, Tillie? 
Tillie. (l, c.) There's one more valise. Miss. 
Front, {leaves grip up l.) And I'll go and get 



that. 



{Exit Front l. 2.) 



Julia. You are quite sure there is nothing else? 
Tillie. Quite uure, Miss. 

(Sounds of retreating carriage wheels heard L. Re- 
enter Front with valise, picks up suit case l.) 

Front. That's the lot, Miss. 

{Re-enter Fred l. u.) 

Fred, \crosses doivn c.) Ever}i;hing satisfac- 
tory, Julia. They reserved the rooms according to 
my wire. You have Suite A. ; I have Parlor B. 

Front. Shall I show you to your rooms. Sir? 

Fred. ISTot just now. 

Julia. You may sliow my maid to mine, {to 
Tillie) See that everything is all right and let me 
know. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 5 

Front, (to Tillie) This way to the elevator. 

{Exeunt Front and Tillie to elevator r. u., carry- 
ing valises, hat boxes, tennis raquets, etc.) 

Fred. (c. l.) I wonder what Uncle Seymour 
will say when he learns we have left Cape May? 

Julia, (c.) He can say a great deal ; he can't do 
anything. 

Fred. Oh, but he can. He can refuse to send 
funds. We haven't been stinting ourselves and this 
place is going to keep up the average. 

Julia, (sits l., faces Feed) Will it be very 
expensive? 

Fred. They'll certainly go as far as the law al- 
lows. And when I write home and ask for more cash 
— well, you know Uncle Seymour. 

Julia. But it is my money. 

Fred. Not till you are twenty-three. E^ally, 
Julia, I should have refused to come. 

Julia. How can you say such a thing. You 
don't appreciate my feelings in the matter. 

Fred. That's right, Julia, I don't. Most girls 
wouldn't object to having it known that they have a 
million in their own right but you seem to regard 
the money as a m.ost undesirable attachment. 

Julia. And so it is. It makes me suspect every 
man T meet of being an adventurer. 

Fred. Everj' one"? 

Julia. How am I to discriminate? There is no 
sign-manual to a man's attentions. I wish grandma 
had left the money to you instead of to me. 

Fred. That's very good of you, but I'm glad she 
didn't. I'll get enough from Uncle Seymour. 

Julia. The worst of it is my fortune attracts the 
men I despise and repels those I wish to know. 

Fred. But will it be different here ? 



g THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Julia. At home in San Francisco everybody knew 
I was an heiress. That was inevitable. On this, our 
first trip East, well meaning friends have published 
the fact wherever we have been. Now how is it here ? 

Fred. Why, we haven't a single acquaintance so 
far as we know. 

Julia. Exactly. So why shouldn't I, under the 
circumstances, be able to make some friends on whose 
disinterestedness I can positively rely? 

Fred. {lightly hut affectionately) And when 
you have found someone who is " disinterested" you 
expect to fall in love, marry, and live happily ever 
after. That's the idea, isn't it? 

Julia, {rises) Don't be foolish, Fred. I'm in 
no hurry to marry. And of one thing you may be 
sure, I never shall until I am certain the man loves me 
for myself alone, {turns up stage e. c. Fred starts 
to follow) 

{Enter Clingstone r. 2 l. u. Age about fifty. 
Dress and maTce-up to indicate a sanctimonious 
man.) 

Clingstone, {crosses down c.) Mr. Bonds, I be- 
lieve. 

Fred, (c.) Yes sir. 

Clingstone, (r. c.) I saw your name on the 
register and thought I could not be mistaken. I 
knew your father, Mr. Bonds. 

Fred. Indeed. 

Clingstone. Your uncle, Mr. Sites, and I were 
exceedingly warm friends in my youth. My name is 
Wayland Clingstone. 

Fred, {surprised) Are you the Mr. Clingstone 
who went to college with uncle ? 

Clingstone. I am. 

Fred, {warmly) Then I'm glad to know you, 
sir, very glad. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 7 

€lingstone. Thank you, 

Fred. I've heard of you, sir. The escapades of 
uncle and you during your college days are tradi- 
tions, sir. Professor Townsend says you were the 
worst brace of scapegraces that ever trod the campus, 

(Julia up stage c, listening.) 

Clingstone. My friend, my dear young friend, 
abstain, please abstain from further reference to those 
humiliating events, 

. Fred. Your names are held in reverence I assure 
you. The brush with which uncle painted the po- 
liceman's face, and the lamp-post you stole from in 
front of the station ! 

Clingstone. Don't, please don't mention those 
things now. The recollection is very painful. I 
have changed since then. 

(Tillie enters from, elevator r. u. — joins Julia 
L. c. UP.) 

Fred. Yes sir, you have changed. And so has 
uncle. 

Clingstone. It affords me much joy to recall 
that I, who was his companion in his wildness was 
also instrumental in turning his feet into the path of 
truth. 

Fred. How was that, sir? 

Clingstone. Mr. Sites continued his wicked 
ways — and they were wicked ways — till he was about 
twenty-six years old. Then he met my sister and he 
who had scoffed at Cupid, fell desperately in love. 

Fred. Uncle in love ! That's funny. 

(Julia and Tillie slowly working down l.) 
Clingstone. My sister refused him. It was a 



8 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 



hard blow but the chastisement brought its own re- 
ward. It showed him the error of his ways and 
made him a changed man. 

Fred. That accounts for uncle's views of women 
in general and matrimony in particular. 

Clingstone. And for several other things also. 
Since then he has not spent his substance in riotous 
living. 

Fred. No, nor in any other way. The hand that 
was formerly open to all is now closer than a com- 
bination lock. 

Clingstone. But your sister? She is with you I 
believe. 

(Clingstone r., Fred c, Julia and Tillie l. At 
" sister " Julia siefs hack leaving Tillie in the 
line of sight.) 
Fred. Yes. (loohs l., sees Tillie) Do you 

know where ! 

Clingstone, (interrupting and crossing l.) Ah. 
This is your sister ! I might have known it. She is 
so like her father. 

(Julia crosses to Fred r. c.) 

Tillie. You are making a big mistake. 

Clingstone. Pardon me, but I am not. We 
have met before only you can't remember it. I used 
to hold you on my knee, and kiss you. 

Tillie. I guess not. 

Clingstone. Yes I had. You and your brother. 

Fred. But, Mr. Clingstone ! 

(Tillie goes to Julia.) 

Julia, (apart, interrupting) Don't correct him 
I have a plan. 

{Enter Captain Crosby r. 2. About thirty- five 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 9 

years old, dashing, handsome, attired in dress of 
U. S. army.) 

Clingstone, (crossing to Crosby while Tillie 
crosses to Julia) My dear Ralph. So glad to see 
you. 

Captain, (crosses c. Fbed drops down r., Julia 
down R. c, Tillie doivn c, R.) Same here, uncle, I 
assure you. 

Julia, (to Tillie) Don't deny anything he 
says. 

Tillie. (to Julia) But he thinks I am you. 

Julia, (to Tillie) And I want him to think it. 

(Tillie c. Clingstone l. c, Captain l. c, Fred 
R. c, Julia r.) 

Clingstone, (l.) You've come Just at the right 
moment, Ralph. Let me introduce you to Miss 
Bonds (Tillie hows) and to her brother Mr. Bonds. 
(Captain crosses to Fred and shakes hands. He 
sees Julia and Julia sees him. She lowers her 
head) This is my nephew Capt. Crosby, who is 
stationed at Fort Monroe. 

Captain. I beg your pardon, this young lady? 
(Indicates Julia.) 

Julia. Is Miss Bonds' maid. 

Julia turns up R. Fred joins her.) 

Captain, (aside) Jove, but she's pretty. 

Captain, (r. c, to Tillie) Do you intend to 
remain here, Miss Bonds? 

Tillie. (c.) Really, I don't know. 

Clingstone. It depends on your brother I sup- 
pose. 

Tillie. My brother! Yes, of course it depends 
on — my brother. 



10 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Captain. I know San Francisco very well. I 
spent two months there last winter. 

TiLLiE. You don't say. 

Julia, {apart to Feed) And she was never 
there. 

Captain. The people are very charming and hos- 
pitable, but the city itself is too {making undulating 
motion loith hand) undulating. Don't you think so? 

(Fred crosses l. had- of Captain and Tillie.) 

TiLLiE. Altogether too {imitates Captain's mo- 
tion) too — what did you say? 

Captain. Too undulating. (Tillie stands con- 
fused) 

Feed. Too hilly. 

Tillie. Oh, yes. I didn't quite catch the word. 

{Enter Front from elevator E.u.) 

Front. {to Clingstone) The lady in 137 
wants to see you, sir, and she says take Captain 
Crosby up as well! {exit Front to office l. u.) 

Clingstone, (l.) That is my sister. 

Fred. (l. c.) The one of whom you spoke. 

Clingstone. Yes, so please excuse me. Are you 
coming, Ealph? 

Captain. I have not seen my aunt for several 
days, so if you will pardon me for the present. 
{bowing) Thank you. 

(Fred pulls Tillie's dress and she courtesy s. 
Clingstone exits to elevator followed hy the 
Captain who looks again at Julia and shows 
she has attracted him. Julia drop down e. c. 
after Clingstone and Captain pass her.) 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT H 

Fred, (l to Julia) What does all this mean? 

Julia, {crosses to Fred) It means that during 
our short stay here I am going to discover how at- 
tractive I should be without my money, for Tillie is 
going to be the heiress and I the maid. 

Fred. (l. c.) But, my dear girl. 

Julia, (c. l.) It's too late to argue now. The 
thing is done. Can you play the lady, Tillie? 

Tillie. (r. c.) Can I? Well, I should smile. 

Julia. Then go to the rooms, help yourself to the 
prettiest gown I have, and when we see you. again 
you will be Miss Bonds, the heiress. 

{Exit Tillie to elevator R. u.) 

Fred. I don't like this at all. You'll be held re- 
sponsible for everything that girl does and she's only 
been with you a week. 

Julia. But she came with the best of references. 

Fred. From people you don't know. This has 
gone far enough, Julia, and has got to end right here. 

Julia. But what would Mr. Clingstone think — 
and Captain Crosby, what Vv^ould he say ? 

Fred. AVliat would your friends say? 

Julia. They'll never know about it. 

Fred. And Uncle Seymour, if it ever got to his 
ears ! 

Julia. What is the use of worrying about Uncle 
Seymour when we are here and he is in San Fran- 
cisco, {goes R. c.) 

Sites, {outside l, u., in office) Eight dollars a 
day ! Eight dollars a day ! I'll pay two dollars and 
a half a day and not a cent more. 

Fred. Heavens and earth! Isn't that his voice? 

Julia, {crosses up r. c. one half. Fred crosses 
up c. one half) It can't be. 

Sites. ( in office l. u.) Yes, sir. Two dollars 



13 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

and a half a day. And I want a good outside room, 
first floor, east front, with a bath. 

Fred. Yes, that's uncle. Nobody but him could 
be as reasonable as that. 

{Sound of gong in office. Voice calls " Front, 
show this gentleman to room thirteen.") 

(Front enters from office with grips l. u. Julia 
crosses doivn i\. Fred crosses doivn l. c.) 

Sites, {in office). Front. 

Front, {stopping up l. u.) Yes sir. 

Sites, {in office) See that the room's well aired 
and that there's an extra supply of matches and 
towels. 

Front, {starting R.) Yes sir. 

Sites, {in office) And Front! 

Front, {stopping) Yes sir. 

Sites, {in offi.ce) Take up a pitcher of ice water 
and writing materials, immediately. 

Front, {starting) Yes sir. 

Sites, {in office) And Front. 

Front, {stopping) Yes sir. 

Sites, {in office) If the party in the next room 
has a piano have it moved. T can't stand the noise. 

Front. Yes sir ! Yes sir ! Of course, sir. 

{Exit Front to elevator r. u.) 

Sites, {crosses c. at bach, entering from office 
li. u.) If a man has got to pay for these luxuries he 
might as well have 'em whether he wants 'em or not. 

(Sites is forty years old. His hair is parted on 
the side and brushed straight across. His side 
whisJcers are brushed close dotvn to hi.9 cheeJcs. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT la 

Entire make-up and costume to indicate the 
stern business man about whom there is no 
frivolity.) 

Julia and Fred, {timorously — down stage R.) 
Uncle ! 

Sites, (c, rubbing his eyes as if in doubt) Are 
you at Old Point Comfort or am I at Cape May ? 

Julia and Fred. We — are at — Old Point Com- 
fort. 

Sites. Well, if this place can keep up its present 
gait I'm due for an exciting time. First the clerk 
wanted to charge me eight dollars a day and now, 1 
meet yon. 

Fred, {hesitating) Well, it was this way. Julia 
thought ! 

Julia. Yes, uncle, Fred imagined 

(Julia and Fred ,1702:^ ot each other discomfited.) 

Sites. Haven't got your story straight, have you. 
But whatever it was, you didn't think it necessary to 
get my consent. 

Fre!). T intended writing you from here. 

Sites. Ah ! Then you need money. 

Fred. Xeed money! No, indeed ! The very idea! 

Julia. Of course not. We've been quite econom- 
ical. 

Sites. You have, eh? W[va\ room have yon 
got? 

Julia. T— T have suite " A ", uncle. 

Sites. Suite "A", uncle {to Fred) And 
you^ — — 

Fred. 1 have parlor P). 

Sites. Suite A. Parlor P>. That's your idea of 

economy, is it ? How much a minute do they charge 
you? 



14, THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Fred. 'Eeally, sir, I didn't inquire. 

Sites. Why should you? Idouey's no object to- 
you. But understand me, once for ail, I made you a 
liberal allowance for this trip and I won't advance 
another dollar — not a dollar. 

Fred. We don't expect it. Do we, Julia? 

Julia, N'o, indeed. 

Sites. Then you won't be disappointed. 

Fred, But, uncle, what brings ,you here? 

Sites. Business ! Business ! The thing that has 
monopolized my attention for the past twenty-one 
years. I'm not here on any butterfly errand, I am 
a bee, sir ! A busy bee I 

Fred. I thought perhaps you had come here for 
your health. 

Sites. My health ! Look at that eye ! Feel that 
muscle ! Look at the whole man, sir, the whole man. 
Health indeed! I've got health for sale. 

Julia. It must be rather funny business to bring 
you here. 

Sites. You may think it funny. I don't. It 
com.pelled me to leave my office for the first time in 
twenty-one years, to be bumped in the cars all day 
like corn in a popper, and to have my nights made 
miserable by a patriotic Englishman who persisted in 
snoring " God save the Queen." 

Fred. That was really too bad. 

Sites. And to fill my cup of misery to the brim 
he was way off the key. However, T shall make five 
thousand dollars bv the trip, so I suppose I ought not 
to complain. Well ! Well ! Wliy don't you ask me 
about it? You're dying of impatience, you know you 
are. 

Julia, {indiffprrnth/) Of course, uncle I ! 

(goesn.) 

Fred, (indifferenfhf) Yes sir, I'm siire ! 

Sites, (sits l., Jltlia r., Fred on sofa l.) Then 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 15 

Pll tell you, since you iusist. You remember my 
cashier ? 

Feed. Yes, Bailey. 

Sites. I never thought he'd make me come on a 
journey like this. 

Feed. Why didn't you send him? 

Sites. How could I, when he decamped. 

Feed and Julia. Decamped? 

Sites. AVith fifty thousand dollars of my money, 

Julia. This is news. 

Feed. How did he take it? 

Sites. Suddenly — and in one large allopathic 
dose. It was a forgery and so nearly perfect it al- 
most deceived me. Oh, the ingratitude of that man. 
Fifteen years ago he came to me and begged me 
with tears in his voice to give him work for the sake 
of his wife and eight small, starving children. 

Julia. And you listened to his pleadings? 

Sites. Yes. Let him keep my books, {emphati- 
cally) Paid him seven dollars a vv^eek ! Two for him- 
self, one for his wife, and fifty cents for each small> 
starving child. 

Fred. Munificent. 

Sites. I advanced him step by step, raising his 
salary as his responsibilities increased. After let- 
ting him work for me for fifteen years T made him 
cashier — jumped him from ten and a half to twelve 
dollars a week. And how did he repay me? By 
forging my name for fifty thousand dollars and get- 
ting away with +he monev. 

Feed. Has it been in the papers? 

Sites. Of course not. Ho you suppose I want to 
advertise the fact th.^t my twelve n^llar a week clerk 
was a smarter man than I was? As soon as I dis- 
covered the forgery T placed the case in the hands of 
a detective agency, and ofl'ered five thousand dollars 
reward for his conviction. And guess what they 



IQ THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

did? But you couldn't. You simply couldn't f 
They put a woman on his track. A woman to catch 
a man clever enough to rob me. 

Julia. But, imcle, what is the connecting link 
between Bailey and Old Point Comfort? 

Sites. A letter I received from a friend of mine 
— one on whom I can rely. He wrote, " Your cashier 
is having a vacation I see. He is at present here but 
I heard him say he intended spending the coming 
week at Old Point Comfort." That was enough for 
me so liere I am to capture Bailey, save my five thou- 
sand dollars and give those wonderful detectives the 
royal Ha! Ha! 

Peed. But the arrival of a multimillionaire like 
you is sure to be chronicled in the papers. Bailey 
will see it and keep away. 

Sites. But the papers won't get it. I am too 
subtle for that, (rises to c.) The name of Seymour 
Sites isn't on. that register out there. 

Julia, (rises, goes b. c.) I understand. You've 
changed your name. 

Sites. Exactly. For this occasion and this oc- 
casion only, I am Mr. Wright. 

Fred. Mr. Wright, (rises) 

Sites. Right. 

Julia. And we are not to recogtiize you as our 
TTncle Seymour Sites? 

Sites. Quite right. While here we are strangers. 
(crosses up c.) 

JuLTA. (crosses l. lo Feed.) Splendid. 

Sites, (turns c. one half) What's that? 

.Tulta. (turns) T referred to the fun — the mys- 
tery. 

Sites, (crosses up c.) Oh ! 

Julia, (apart to Fred) This suits me exactly. 
(aloud) And now, (goes c. l.) my dear Mr. Wright, 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 17 

if yon have no other forgeries or incognitos to tell 
me about, I'll go and dress for dinner. 
Sites, (c. one half) That's all. 

(Julia exits to elevator. Sites sets on sofa l. 

Feed, (c.) And so Bailey is a thief. 

Sites. Wlio said so? You ought to study the 
lexicography of crime young man. Bailey is not a 
thief. He took fifty thousand dollars — and is a de- 
faulter. Had he made it five hundred thousand he 
would have been a financier. 

Fred. Wliy, I'd quite forgotten. Your old friend 
Mr. Clingstone is here. 

Sites. Wayland Clingstone; well, well. 

Feed, He's sure to recognize you. 

Sites. He mightn't. I haven't seen him for ten 
years. But even if he does remember me, I can ex- 
plain matters and everything will be all right. 

Fred, (mysteriously) But his sister is here as 
well. 

Sites. His sister! Which one? 

Feed. The one. 

Sites. Then you know? 

Fred. I do. 

Sites. Is she married or — unappropriated? 

Feed. Can't say. 

Sites. Have you seen her? 

Fred. Fo. 

Sites. Ah ! She was a picture she was — a face 
like an angel, and a figure like Diana. They don't 
build 'em like her nowadays. 

Fred. But can you trust her? 

Sites. Of course not. (rising) She's a woman. 
(crosses to c, Fred to l. c.) 

Feed. That makes things awkward. 



18 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Sites. Very awkward. There's only one way out 
of it that I can see. 

Feed, (l, c.) And that is? 

Sites, (c.) Carry my incog through and pre- 
tend not to know them. 

Fred. You'll have to make the denial very em- 
phatic to do that. 

Sites. And can't I be emphatic when I want to? 

Fred, (meaningly) Yes, indeed. I've heard 
you. 

Sites, (to c. l.) Well, if Clingstone ever claims 
acquaintance with me — just watch my smoke. 

(Enter Clingstone from elevator r. u.) 

Clingstone, (crosses down R. c.) Why, my dear 
Se^nnour. 

Fred, (goes l. Apart to Sites) There he is 
now. 

(Sites winks hnowingly at Fred.) 

Clingstone, (r. c.) I'm so glad to see you. 

Sites, (c.) Excuse me! You are making a 
slight mistake. The man you are looking for has 
]'ust gone into the oflfice, so pass right along — pass 
right along — (turns up L. c, and shakes coat tails) 

Clingstone. The man I am looking for ? 

Sites, (coming l. c.) Yes, Mr. Hayseed Wav- 
back from Cassopolis, Kansas, who came here with 
a carpet-sack in one hand and an itch for experience 
in the other. He may want a gold brick, T don't. 
(goes l. c, unnks at Fred) 

Clingstone. (r. c, half aside) Gold brick! 
He takes me for a confidence man. (aloud) My 
dear sir, you are sadly in error. 

Sites, (to c.) Then perhaps you want to show 
me where the tunnel has caved in, or play a little 



THE WRONG MK. WRIGHT 19 

game of three card monte — or guess the shell it is 
under and so take the money. Whichever it is you've 
got the wrong party so pass right along, pass right 
along, {goes up L. c. again, winking at Feed and 
repeaiing business with coat) 

Clingstone. But don't you remember me, your 
old friend, Wayland Clingstone? 

Sites, {coming down l, c.) Yes, I do remem- 
ber you, my old friend, but not by any such name 
as that — Hungry Joe. 

Clingstone. Hungry Joe ! 

Sites. You remember what the Judge said, 
" Seven years sure if you are ever caught again." 

Clingstone. But, really, I don't understand. I 
thought you were my old college chum, Seymour 
Sites. 

Sites. " His old college chum." Now, see here, 
Charlie Jones, alias Parson Pete, alias Hungry Joe, 
say two words more and I'll leave this little matter 
Fm detailed on here and take you in charge myself. 

Clingstone. You will do nothing of the kind, 
sir. I would have you understand that I am no 
Parson Peter nor Hungry Joseph. I am a reputable 
citizen, sir, and this young man can vouch for me. 

Sites. He can, eh? {to Fred) How long have 
you known this whited sepulchre — this wolf in 
sheep's clothing? 

Fred. Since this morning. 

Sites. He came and introduced himself to you, 
called you by name. 

Fred. Yes. 

Sites. Said he was an old friend of your father's 
or perhaps knew your uncle. 

Fred. You must have heard him. 

Sites. Heard him? That's his regular game. 

Clingstone, (r. c.) But I protest! 

Sites. Shut up ! {crosses to him then returns to 



30 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Fred) YouVe had a lucky escape. Before morning 
he'd have had all your loose cash, your watch and 
chain and a note for seven thousand dollars. 
(crosses to Clingstone) Who is working this lay 
with you? Some woman I suppose, (to Fred) 
Has any woman called you by name to-day and asked 
about your uncle? 

Feed. Not yet. 

Sites. Then mark my words, one will before very 
long, (to Clingstone) As for you, my clerical 
looking Confidence King, I haven't quite made up 
my mind what I will do with you. 

(Sites crosses up stage l. c, one half, Fred down 
stage l.. Clingstone r. c.) 

(Enter Arabella frojn elevator r. u. She is about 
forty-five years old and matronly of appear- 
ance.) 

Arabella, (crossing l. to Fred) My dear Mr. 
Bonds. How delighted I am to see you. 

Sites, (gets c. one half. Aside, surprised) It 
isn't possible. It can't be 

Arabella, (l. c.) My brother told me about 
meeting you. How is your Uncle Seymour? 

Sites, (aside) It is. And to think she drove me 
into the wholesale liquor business, (crosses c.) 

Clingstone, (r.) Arabella! 

Arabella. What is it, Wayland. (sees Sites, 
screams with delight. 'Crosses to him) What a de- 
lightful surprise. 

Sites. Excuse me, madam ; excuse me. 

Arabella. But, surely, despite these years, my 
dear Mr. Sites ! 

Sites. Excuse me again. I am not your dear, 
and T am not Mr. Sites. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 21 

Aeabella. Oh, but you can't deceive me. 

Sites. I wouldn't have the nerve to try. 

Arabella. Would you believe it I know you'll 
think it exceedingly strange. But I am Arabella 
Clingstone still, (turns to Feed for his approval) 

Sites, (c, aside) I was her last chance and she 
lost me. 

Arabella. When we had our final interview 1 
was only a foolish girl. 

Sites. And I, of course, was your old college 
chum. Anybody can see through this little game. 

Arabella. Game! Believe me, Mr. Sites, I am 
not in sport in recalling those happy days, (ad- 
vances toward Sites with outstretched hands) 

Sites, {retreating, crosses to Feed. Arabella 
goes c.) Don't you dare lay a finger on me. (to 
Feed) I call on you to witness I h-ave made no ad- 
vances. 

Arabella. Advances? 

Sites. Yes. I never set e3^es on you till a moment 
ago. T am no student of archeology, and have no in- 
terest whatever in yoiir dim distant past. 

Arabella. Sir! How dare you. 

Sites. To tell the truth I don't know. 

Clingstone. You are laboring under a misappre- 
hension, my dear. This — this gentleman — is not Mr„ 
Sites. He is a detective or something of that kind. 

Sites. And my name is Wright. " 

Arabella, (to Fred) And this isn't your Uncle 
Seymour? 

Fred. N"o. Oh no. Uncle is still in San Fran- 
cisco. 

Arabella, (to Sites) What a mortifying mis- 
take, (to Clingstone) And to think I nearly 
kissed him. (hits, for Sites) 

Clingstone. We have both been misled, Arabella. 
{crossing with Arabella to L. 3) This "gentle- 



23 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

man's " behavior towards rae made me doubt that he 
is Mr. Sites, his conduct toward you convinces me 
that he is not. Let us go, my dear. Let us go with- 
out further parley, (as Arabella and Clingstone 
cross. Sites and Feed laugh silenUy. At exit Cling- 
stone turns with horrified expression and upraised 
hands. Sites and Fued straighten faces) 

{Exeunt Arabella and Clingstone l. 2.) 

Sites, (to c, laughing) Was that emphatic 
enough ? 

Fred. (l. c.) I should say it was. But, uncle^ 
they don't build 'em like her nowadays. 

Sites. Get away! Get away! But, Fred, I've 
made a discovery. 

Fred. What is it ? 

Sites. The lucky man is the one who doesn't get 
what he is sure he wants. 

(Enter Front from elevator. Drop doivn R, C.) 

Front. I took up all the things, sir. 

Sites. All right. 

Front, (scratches hand) And the party in the 
next room has no piano. 

Sites. Good. 

Front, (rattles change in pocket) Have your 
shoes polished, sir? 

Sites. No. (goes l.) 

Front. Anything else I can do for you, sir? 

Sites, (apart to Fred) He wants a tip. (em- 
phatically and directly to Front) Not a thing. 

Front, (aside) He can't throw me down like 
that, (goes up r. c. one half) 

Sites, (to Fred) Meet me here in ahout fifteen 
minutes. I want to get rid of a little of the dust I 
accumulated on my journey. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 2S 

IFred. Very well, uncle. Meanwhile I'll see if any 
mail came from San Francisco for me on the late 
boat. 

Sites, {going to elevator) All right, Fred, all 
right. 

Front. Didn't you forget something, sir? 

Sites. If I did, and if you find it, bring it to my 
room and Fll divide it with you, 

(Exit Sites to elevator. Exit Fhbd laughing to 
office, L. u.) 

Front. Well, that fello^v's a wonder. That's 
what he is. He's a wonder. 

{Exit Front to office, l. tr.) 

{Enter Captain and Tillie from verandah c. 
from R.) 

Tillie. (crosses down l. of Tillie, sits) I 
thought Old Point Comfort was such a gay place. 

Captain, {haclc of Tillie) During the season. 
But it's a little early yet. 

Tillie. Ain't there any swell people here ? 

Captain. Eich ones galore, a senator or two. 
Lord Brazenface ! 

Tillie. A Lord ! A real live Lord ! Gee ! How 
I'd like to see him. 

Captain. I'll introduce him at the first oppor- 
tunity, (crosses R. of Tillie, sits) 

Tillie. You will, (aside) To think I'm going 
to meet a Lord. 

Captain. You'll attend the dances of course. 

Tillie. Do they have dances here? 

Captain. Frequently. There's one to-night. 
May I act as your escort? 

Tillie. You bet. At dances is risrht where I live. 



24 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

{Enter Lord Brazenfaoe fro7n office. He is abouf 
twenty -eight years old, his hair is parted in the 
middle and brushed flat; he wears a checked 
suit and a small cap. In his eye is a monocle 
and he carries a cane. He is a typical degener- 
ate lordling; short of stature and apparently 
invertehraie; he is ahsolutely im,perturhahle 
and unahashahle. Care must he taken not to 
overdo this role either in makeup or action. 
He goes to water cooler as though to pour out a 
drink.) 

Captain. There's Lord Brazenface. Shall I pre- 
sent him now? 

TiLLiE. {rises, crosses l. c.) Yes, do. Ain't he 
cute. 

Captain, {rises, crosses c. r. one half) Brazen- 
face! 

Lord B. Hello, Crosby, old chap. 

Captain. Let me present yon to Miss Bonds of 
San Francisco. 

Lord B. Charmed, I'm sure. First day here? 

TiLLiE. Yes. Came this afternoon. 

Lord B. Sorry for yon. It's the beastliest, slow- 
est, beastliest place I ever was in. 

TiLLiE. Just what I was saying. 

Lord B. If things don't brighten up, I'm going to 
skip. Can't stand being dnll. It weakens my con- 
stitution. 

Captain. Why don't you do something to enliven 
the place? 

Lord B. Can't do it all alone, and can't find any- 
one to go in with me. 

TiLLiE. I'll go in Mith you on anything yon 
please. 

Lord B. That's very good. Let's start with the 
dance to-night. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 25 

TiLLiE. Can't. I've promised to go with the Cap- 
tain. 

LoED B. That doesn't make any difference. He'll 
withdraw. Won't you, Crosby? 

Captain. Not unless Miss Bonds particularly de- 
sires it. 

Lord B. But she does. She does. Don't you, Miss 
Bonds ? 

TiLLiE. Tliat wouldn't hardly be fair. 

Lord B. {to Crosby) There, you see. You see? 
Now come, old chap, don't be selfish. 

Captain. I leave the matter entirely with Miss 
Bonds. 

TiLLiE. Then I tell you what we'll do. I'll go 
with Captain Crosby to-night, and after to-night I'll 
go with you (Brazenface) as often as you please. 

Lord B. That's very good. Eeally you are the 
jolliest girl I ever met. {dose to her) 

TiLLiE. Why shouldn't I be to the cunningest 
little lord I ever met. 

{Looking in each other's eyes.) 

Lord B. Call me Brazey, all my friends do. 

TiLLiE. I'm willing, Brazey. 

Lord B. You're so free and easy and all that sort 
of thing you know. 

Captain, {go R. c, aside) So different from that 
ladylike maid. 

TiLLTE. I may be free and easy and all that sort 
of thing, you know. But don't you make any mis- 
take, Brazey. T can draw the line in the proper 
place for I know just how far a girl should go. 

Lord B. That's very good. I wish we had girls 
like you in London. 

TiLTjE. I'm coming over to poky old London 
some day, and when T land you'll see the other end 
of that country trip up. 



26 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Lord B. You've never been to England then? 

TiLLiE. No. Shan't go abroad till I have saw 
everything in this country. 

Lord B. That's very good. 

Captain, (aside) " Have saw" shades of Lindey 
Murray. 

TiLLiE. (crosses c. one half. Brazenface goes 
L. c.) Well, by-by. See you both at the dance to- 
night. 

Captain and Lord B. Yes. See you to-night. 

(Exit TiLLiE to elevator r.) 

Lord B. That girl's a dream, Crosby. That's 
what she is. A dream. 

(Lord B. atid Crosby sit r.) 

Captain. Rich too. 

Lord B. Eeally ! How much ? 

Captain. Oh ! A million or so. 

Lord B. Well, rich or poor she's a charmer. Do 
you know I expected to meet a good many more just 
like her when I came to this country. I'm disap- 
pointed in your girls, Crosby, I am, really. 

Captain. Then perhaps you are glad I did not 
take the bet you offered the day you arrived here. 

Lord B. Glad ! Well, hardly. 

Captain. You still think you could win it? 

(Enter Fred from office reading a letter. Crosses 
dowrn L. c.) 

Lord B. Of course I do. 

Captain, (rises) There's Miss Bonds' brother. 
I'll introduce him. 

Lord B. Do, old chap. If he's anything like his 
sister, he's a jolly good fellow. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 27 

Captain, Mr. Bonds. (Fred crosses c.) Let me 
introduce Lord Brazenface. Brazenfaee, this is Mr. 
Bonds. 

Lord B. (rises) How de do ! Now, Crosby, 
we'll see what Mr. Bonds thinks about it. (to Fred) 
I have offered to wager that I could kiss any lady in 
this house with her consent in twenty-four hours. 

Fred. And my opinion is that you'd lose the bet 
by a lifetime. 

Lord B. I'm willing to make it just the same. 
Anything up to two hundred pounds. Do you want 
a part of it? 

Fred. 'No, indeed. It's not a betting matter. 
(crosses r. c.) 

Lord B. (c.) Then you, Captain? — Come now, 
just to be sociable. 

Captain". I agree with Mr. Bonds. 

(Captain and Fred down stage R., giving Lord B. 
the cold shoulder. He talces absolutely no no- 
tice of it.) 

Lord B. You are altogether too squeamish. But 
I'm going through with this now for my own satis- 
faction. I'll tell you what I'll do. If I don't kiss 
the fortunate lady in the stipulated time, I'll give 
you two the finest champagne supper to be had in 
the house. 

Captain. No, Brazenface. No, I can't agree to 
it. 

Fred. Nor I. 

Lord B. Oh yes, you can. Of course you can. 
We'll make the selection the usual way, by chance. 
Now, what method would be perfectly fair. I have 
it. The happy recipient of my chaste salute, shall be 
the first member of the gentler sex to enter this 
parlor. 



38 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Captain. Then the first lady who enters here 

Lord B. I kiss in twenty-four hours or forfeit the 
champagne supper. Gad! I hope she's handsome. 

(Enter Arabella and Clingstone l. 3.) 

Arabella, (decided) I never heard of such a 
thing. 

(Consternation og Brazenface wlio goes to cooler 
and tahes a drinh. Amusement of Fred and 
perplexity of Crosby.) 

Arabella, (l. c.) To think that dreadful per- 
son should take you for a confidence man and me 
for your accomplice. I leave here this very *day. 
(going to elevator) 

Clingstone, (going to elevator) Do not be 
rash, my dear. Do nothing in the heat of your in- 
dignation. 

(Exeunt Arabella and Clingstone to elevator.) 

Lord B. (crosses doivn l. c.) Bet's off. 

Fred, (to c.) Gad, I hope she's handsome. 

Lord B. Whatever may be said against the 
Brazenfaces no one has been able to deny that they 
Were sportsmen, and as a sportsman I decline to take 
advantage of a sure thing. 

Captain, (to r. c.) But hang it all, Brazenface. 
That lady is my aunt. 

Lord B. Lucky fellow. You're not a bit like 
her. 

Captain. Of course this can go no further. 

Lord B. Of course not, for your sake — and mine. 
We'll scratch the aunt, that's what we'll do, we'll 
scratch the aunt and put the money on the next 
new com.er. 

Fred. Yon insist on vour plan then? 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT gg 

Lord B. Certainly. And here's hoping for better 
luck next time, {all inove slightly r.) 

{^Sounds of wheels l. Clerk's gong rings, voice calls 
" Front". Front enters from office exit l. 2.) 

Lord B. The ladies' entrance! Now to know my 
fate. 

(Enter Front and exit to office l. 3, followed by 
Henrietta. She is a handsome, dashing woman 
of about thirty and is dressed in a fashionable 
traveling costume. She makes her entrance 
briskly and in a businesslike way.) 

Lord B. (c.) Did you see her! I say, did you 
see her? She's a charmer. Watch me now. Just 
watch me. {goes tip c. one half) 

Captain, Would j'ou speak without an introduc- 
tion ? 

Lord B. Would I? Just watch me. (l. 3) 
Stand back there (they cross l. c.) and take a lesson 
in the art. 

{Re-enter Henrietta t^. S.) 

Lord B. {up c. one half. To Henrietta) How 
do you do? So pleased to see you — again. We've 
met before. I know we have. Where was it? Oh 
yes, I remember now. It was at the dog show. 

Henrietta. Perhaps I did see you. I was there. 
What kennel were you in? 

(Henrietta goes R. down and takes off gloves. 
Fred and Captain l. c, laughing.) 

Lord B. {to Fred and Captain) Kot bad that, 
eh? Not half bad. 

Fred. Now we will take the supper. 

Captain. You'll never renew the attack after a 
defeat like that. 



30 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

LoED B. Defeat! That's simply a repulse along' 
the skirmish line. Let's go and reconnoitre in the- 
office. Then I'll return and renew the siege alone. 
Gad, I am a killer. 

{Exeunt Lord B., Ceosby and Feed to office l. 3.) 

Henrietta. (alone) I Avonder if my man is 
really here. A fifty thousand dollar forgery with a 
live thousand dollar reward doesn't come my way 
every day. The chief must have got some pretty 
straight information or he would never have wired 
me to come here. 

(Enter Clews. He is a plain clothes' detective.) 

Clews, (c.) Miss Oliver. 

Henrietta, (e. c.) Clews. 
■ Clews. The chief sent me with this letter of in- 
structions for you, and told me to place myself under 
your orders, (gives letter) 

Henrietta. Very good. Are you staying here? 

Clews. Yes. 

Henrietta. Well, we'd better not be seen too 
much together. I'll let you know when I need you. 

Clews. Very well. I'll be ready for business any 
time you are. 

(Exit Clews io office.) 

Henrietta, (s-its l., opens letter, reads) " Re- 
garding the Seymour Sites' case you have in hand. 
I have just received information that Bailey the 
forger, is headed for Old Point Comfort. Bailey 
is spending money lavishly and has assumed the 
name of Mr. Wright ; " Mr. Wright ! I must re- 
member that, 

(Reads.) 

" the forgery is so perfect that a confession is es- 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 31 

sential to conviction and as the reward depends on 
that I leave it to your woman's wit to secure the 
desired confession." Well, Mr. Bailey, alias Wright, 
I know where you will go if you show up in these 
parts, and I also know where Mr. Sites' five thou- 
sand dollars will go, for no criminal, that is, no male 
criminal, has ever escaped me. 

{Enter Lord B. from office.) 

Lord B. {crosses down c.) Here I am — back 
again. 

Henrietta, {turns in chair, faces him) I've 
had a little experience in my time, but for cool, 
consummate, unadulterated impudence, you are the 
head of the class. 

Lord B. That's very good — Miss Oliver ! You 
see, we have met, I recalled your name the minute 
I stepped into the office. Funny, wasn't it. 

Henrietta, Remarkably! Especially as the reg- 
ister is there. 

Lord B. You're bright. By Jove you are. 

Henrietta. Since you know my name do you 
mind favoring me with yours? ' 

Lord B. I am Lord Brazenface. My friends call 
me Brazey. 

Henrietta. The imported article. That accounts 
for it. I thought our infant industries couldn't have 
produced anything quite equal to you. {rises) 

{Enter Sites, from, elevator, crosses at hack to l. c.) 

Lord B. Don't despair. Americans are clever. 
They'll equal us in time. (Sites overhearing, stops) 
And now will you honor me with your society at the 
dance this evening. I deferred asking anyone else, 
as I was waiting for you. 1^'act, I assure you ! 



33 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Henrietta. We might as well end this farce right 
now. I never set eyes on you before, {hack turned 
down L. 0.) 

Lord B. Of course you didn't. But what does 
that matter? "We are both here, alone, (sits l.) 
Come and sit down — v/on't you sit down? I like 
you — do sit down. Let's be friends and be happy. 

Henkietta. I like you too — at a distance. So 
oblige me b}^ staying there. 

(Henrietta starts to elevator, crosses up R. c, 
one Jialf.) 

Lord B. (foUowing up c.) Ah, but you can't get 
away like that. 

Sites, {interposing) Say one more word to this 
lady (Henrietta stops) and I'll give you such a 
lesson in politeness that you'll need an introduction 
to your looking glass. 

Lord B. {aside, goes down l. c.) Isn't the old 
man cocky, {aloud) My dear sir, rather than quar- 
rel with you I'll give up the dearest friend I have in 
the v/orld. {Mssing liand) Au revoir, Henrietta, 
See you again soon. Au revoir. I am a killer. 

{Exit Lord B. r. 9.) 

Henrietta, t don't know how to express my 
gratitude. 

Sites. There's no need for you to try. 

Henrietta, {crosses doivn l. c. Aside) I've 
got to get acquainted in this place and might as well 
begin now. {aloud) But am I not to know to whom 
I am indebted for this courtesy? 

Sites, (c.) My name is not at all essential. So, 
good-afternoon, {starts up o. to l.) 

Henrietta, (l. c.) But, sir, such a favor from 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 33 

an entire stranger is so refreshing that you must 
pardon me if I persist in asking the name of the 
gentleman I shall always hold in such grateful re- 
membrance. 

Sites, (c.) I can't see how my name can pos- 
sibly be of service to you. (starts up c.) 

Henrietta. (aside) Wliat is he afraid of. 
(aloud) Please don't mar the most pleasurable epi- 
sode of my life by leaving it incomplete. Your name 
— please. 

Sites, (handing card) If you must know 

Henrietta. (reading card.) " Mr. Seymour 
Sites." 

Sites. No. That's a mistake — It isn't my name 
at all. I used to work for Mr. Sites and so happen 
to have his card. My name is "Wright, 

Henrietta, (aside) My man ! This is just like 
finding five thousand dollars. (to Sites) You 
must excuse me, Mr. Wright, if I say that a happy 
incident like this comes to a woman such as I am 
only once in a lifetime. It will be worth a great 
deal to me. 

Sites. Will it? 

Henrietta. Yes. Much more than you may im- 
agine — now. Though the day "may come when you 
will understand it in all its deep significance. 

(Sites regards Henrietta an instant with awaken- 
ing interest. Then his expression changes to 
one of mistrust and suspicion. He turns ab- 
ruptly.) 

Sites. Good afternoon, (starts up c.) 
Henrietta. But, Mr. Wright. (Sites pays no 
attention) Mr. Wright! (Sites stops suddenly, as 
though just rem.emhpiing his assumed name. Hen- 
rietta notices if and smiles significantly) I have 



34 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

no desire to have you at a disadvantage. As you did 
not ask my name I suppose I must volunteer the in- 
formation. (Henrietta hands card to Sites) 

Sites. {reading card) "Henrietta Oliver, 
Milliner ! " 

Henrietta. You don't think any the worse of 
me for being a milliner, do you, Mr. Wright? 

Sites. Certainly not. Certainly not. 

Henrietta. A woman who is thrown on her own 
resources must do something — especially if she is all 
alone in the world. 

Sites. That's too bad. {goes r. c, aside) She's 
pretty, too. 

Henrietta, {to c.) I thought of moving to San 
Francisco, but they tell me it is such a wicked city. 

Sites. You'd get along there all right. 

Henrietta, {looking archly at Sites) Think 
so? 

(Sites catches the glance and stands in doubt as to 
whether to reciprocate or not.) 

Henrietta. Do you really think so ? 

Sites, {warmly) I'd back _you with my bottom 
dollar, {in alarm) No! ISTo, I wouldn't! No, I 
wouldn't. 

Henrietta. I'd not ask that of anyone, especially 
a stranger. All I should need would be the advice 
of a man of sound judgment and ripe experience. 

Sites. And you'd find lots of them ready to give 
it to you. 

Henrietta. But there are so few men deserving 
of a woman's confidence. Now, my intuition tells 
me that I could trust you. 

Sites. The trouble would be that I couldn't trust 
myself. 

{Enter Front, from office iviih telegram and hlanTcs. 
Henrietta watches.) 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 35 

Front. Telegram for you, sir. 

Sites, (opening telegram — reads) " Your pres- 
mce here imperatively necessary. Come home imme- 
diately. Business demands it." Things are going to 
rack and ruin. I knew it. I knew it. 

Front. Any answer, sir? 

Sites. You bet there is. (taking rephj hlanh 
from Front) Go tell the clerk to have my trunk 
brought down at once. I leave on the next train. 
Then come back for this, (the reply) 

''Crosses Stage 

Front. All right, sir. 

(Exit Front to office. Sites sits r., writing.) 

Henrietta, (c. l. Aside) He's going away. 
I must prevent that, (aloud) May I speak to you 
a moment, Mr. Wright? 

Sites. You'll have to excuse me now, madam. I 
have business to attend to. (writes) 

Henrietta. But this is a very simple matter. 
(Sites still writing) I said this is a very simple 
matter. (Sites hlots telegram and places it on 
desk) 

Sites. Well, what is? 

Henrietta. Simply a woman's question. Is my 
hat on straight. 

Sites. Your hat on — (aside) the nevwe. (Aloud) 
Giving an answer without resorting to a square 
and spirit level, I should say it is. 

Henrietta. Thank you. (putting her hands to 
hat) Why, it isn't anything of the kind, (arrang- 
ing hat and withdrawing long hat-pin) That's more 
like it. And now will you kindly pin it for me. 
(offering hat-pin) 



36 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Sites, {rises, loohing at hat-pin) You ought to 
be arrested for carrying concealed weapons. 

Henrietta. How foolish. It's only a hat-pin. 

Sites, (tahing pin and handling it awkwardly) 
But I never pinned a woman's hat in my life. 

Henrietta. Then it's time you began. Come. 

(Sites, with extreme awkwardness, sticks pin in 
front of the hat.) 

Henrietta, (c. l.) Not there. At the back. 

Sites, (c.) Of course. (Sites withdraws pin 
and pushes it ah out half way into hack of the hat) 
How's that, eh? HoVs that? 

Henrietta, (putting hand to hat and finding 
protruding pin) That won't do at all. Push it 
right through. 

Sites. ISTot unless you want to play the star part 
at a coroner's inquest. 

Henrietta. I'm not afraid. 

Sites. Then here goes. (Sites pushes pin vio- 
lently into hat. Henrietta screams as if hurt) 

Sites. Did it hurt you? Why, you're not going 
to faint, are you? 

Henrietta, (aside. A good idea. Aloud) Yes. 
— ^yes, I think I am. 

Sites. But think of me. (Henrietta sits on 
sofa and pretends to faint) She has! Wliat had I 
better do? Eub her hands? (Reaches for her hand, 
she places it on arm of sofa. He draivs hack — in 
apprehension. Sees tankard of water c. — fetches it 
and raises it as if to dash it in Henrietta's face. 
She has heen watching, so heaves a sigh and open''! 
her eyes. Sites places tankard on the floor) 

Sites, (down c. l.) Do you feel better? 

Henrietta. Yes. It was the heat, the fatigue of 
the journey. Sit down here and rub my hand, please. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 37 

(Sites hesitatingly sits beside her. She places her 
hand in his. Still apprehensive he looks about, 
then rubs hand slowly at first, but gradually in- 
creasing speed and ardor.) 

(Front re-enters, goes to table, picks up Sites' 
reply.) 

Heneietta. That's so nice. 

Front, (r. c, reading and going to office) Don't 
do a thing till I return. Shall leave on next train." 

Henrietta. What, are you going away, Mr. 
Wright, dear Mr. Wright? 

Sites, (rises) Going. Well, I should say not. 

(Takes telegram from Front, goes to desk and writes 
another.) 

'' Won't be home for seven months. Am living for 
the first time in twenty-one years." 

(Sites gives reply to Front. He exits to office l. u. 
Sites crosses quickly to Henrietta and raises 
her hand to his lips.) 

QUICK CURTAIN 



38 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT" 



ACT II 

Scene: — Same as Act I. 

Time: Next morning. 
DISCOVEEED:— Fred and Julia. 

Julia, {reading magazine) But, suppose nncle 
won't give us the money? 

Feed, {seated writing a letter) He'll have to, or 
else ! 

Julia. That's it, or else what? 

Fred, {sealing letter) Don't let that worry you. 
We'll get it some way. In the meantime each of us 
must look for a favorable opportunity of wheedling 
it out of him. 

(Front enters from office L. 3, carrying a magnificent 
bouquet. Is crossing to elevator, gets c. one 
half.) 

Julia. What a superb bouquet. 

Front, {crosses doivn c.) Yes, Miss. It's for 
Miss Oliver, the lady in sixty-eight. This makes the 
third bunch she's had this morning. 

Fred. She has friends here, then? 

Front. One anyway, sir. They're all from the 
same gent. 

Fred. Really. 

Front. Yes, sir. It's that friend of yours, Mr. 
Wright. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 39 

Tred and Julia. (Fred rises with letter) What? 

Front. That friend of yours, sir, Mr. Wright. 
He's a real gent — and a wonder. That's what he is. 
He's a wonder. 

Julia. You must be mistaken. 

Front. Excuse me, Miss, but I ought to know the 
^ent what give me a dollar for takin' him ice-water 
and another dollar for each one 0' these bunches I 
took up to sixty-eight. 

Fred. And "you say Mr. Wright did that? 

Front. That's just what I say, sir. Mr. Wright, 
the gent in suite " X." 

Fred. You're wrong, my boy. Mr. Wright is in 
room 13. 

Front. He was in that room, sir, 

Julia. And has he changed? 

Front. Yes, Miss. And that ain't the only thing 
what's changed either. He's a wonder, that's what 
he is — a wonder. 

Fred. Have you any idea where he is now? 

Front. Down town. I think he went to buy the 
post-office. 

Fred and Julia. To buy the post-office? 

Front. He wanted to buy something, but he 
hadn't quite made up his mind whether it was the 
post-office or the railroad depot. Oh, he's a real gent. 
And a wonder. Yes, sir, he's a wonder. 

{Exit Front to elevator r. 3.) 

Julia, (nses) Well, what do you think of that? 

Fred. The boy's mistaken. 

Julia. But he seemed so positive. 

Fred. When Uncle Seymour gives dollars to bell- 
boys I'll be plucking violets at the ISTorth Pole. 
(crosses l. Julia goes c.) 

Julia. It does seem absurd. Fancy uncle send- 



40 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

ing a woman three bouquets in one morning, (goes 
up c. one half) 
Feed. Preposterous ! 

{Enter Tillie from elevator l. 3. She is dressed 
rather extravagantly and walks with assumed 
dignity. She looks about and seeing no strangers 
resumes the maid's usual manner. Drops down 
R. c.) 

Tillie. Everything is ready, Miss. 

Fred, (laughing) You're good, Tillie, you're 
good. 

Julia. Isn't she? (crossing to elevator l. 3) 
Sorry you can't take me into luncheon, Fred. 

Fred. (l. c. one half) Perhaps Tillie would 
honor me. 

Tillie. (crosses up c, following Julia) I am 
to dine with Lord Brazenface, sir. 

(Exeunt Julia and Tillie to elevator.) 

Fred. This is more genuine fun than Pve had in 
a long time, (crosses down l.) 

Sites, (in office l. 3.) W^iat do I care what it 
costs. AVhen I want a thing I want it and expense 
cuts no figure. Wliat's a thousand dollars to me? 
(enters from office, completely metamorphosed in- 
dress and manner, crosses down c. one half) 

Fred, (l, c, astonished) Holy Moses ! 

Sites, (referring to clothes) How do you like 
'em, Fred. All right, eh? 

Fred. Splendid, sir, but what does it all mean? 

Sites. This, my boy, this is the concentrated, 
bottled-up wickedness of twenty-one years breaking 
loose. I thought it was dead, but it wasn't. It was 
only sleeping and now it's roused, like a giant re- 
freshed with wine. Ah ! There's another. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 41 

(^Bowing extravagantly in direction of elevator en- 
trance.) 

Feed. But that is Miss Clingstone. 

Sites. And what if it is ! Does a man who has 
starved for twenty-one years refuse bread and ask for 
pie? 

{Enter Akabella from elevator. Sites grasps her 
hand and shakes it enthusiastically.) 

Sites, {up c. r.) So glad to see you, so very, 
very glad ! You are looking as beautiful and bloom- 
ing as the fairest rose that ever graced a grand June 
morning. 

Aeabella. {up R. c.) I beg your pardon, sir. 

Sites, {crosses down c. l.) Don't be angry be- 
cause of my mistake yesterday. I remember now that 
I have often heard Mr. Sites speak of you — Fred ! 
Fred ! You must have heard him more than once tell 
of the wonderful charms of his dear old friend, Miss 
Freestone. 

Arabella, (r. c, down) Clingstone, if you 
please, sir, Miss Clingstone. 

Sites. Well, madam. Freestone or Clingstone, 
nobody could deny that you are a peach. 

Arabella. A peach ! 

Sites. Yes, but without its stony heart. My 
friend Sites has often said to me, " Wright, my boy, 
never marry till you have seen Miss Clingstone — 
and then you never will." 

Arabella. Sir ! 

Sites. Never will marry anybody else. Those 
were his words and they were true, for to me, Who met 
you but yesterday, it seems as though our acquaint- 
ance dated back fifty years — in spirit, madam, in 
spirit! Tell me. Miss Clingstone, could you — could 



43 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

you marry a man who has nothing to offer you but 
his whole soul's devotion and ten million dollars. 

Arabella. Eeally, Mr. — Mr. 

Sites. Wright, madam, but Adolphus if you like 
it better. 

Arabella. Really, Mr. Wright, this is so em- 
barrassing — and before this gentleman. (Fred, 
with head upraised, walks toward window up l. c.) 

Sites, {goes to her) Tell me, could you marry 
him? 

Arabella. Since you insist, Adolphus — since you 
are so ardent, well, yes, I think I could. 

Sites, (c.) Thank you! Thank you! When I 
find the man I will tell him he has no cause for fear. 

Arabella, (crosses l. c, turning) How dare 
you, sir! How dare you trifle with my affection in 
such a way. 

Sites. Trifle! I! I spoke in behalf of my old 
friend, Sites, and I guarantee you will receive an 
offer of marriage from him one hour after I meet 
him face to face. 

Arabella, (softening) Do you think so? 

Sites. I am sure of it. He will do whatever I 
advise him. 

Arabella. Thank you. And now if 3'ou will ex- 
cuse me. (starts R. c. up) 

Sites, (c.) Must you go? 

x\rabella. Yes, I feel rather unnerved. And 
besides my brother will be anxious about me. 

Sites. Then permit me to escort you to the ele- 
vator. 

Arabella. Oh no! No! 

Sites. But I insist! I insist! 

(Sites walTcs ivith Arabella to elevator entrance — 
she exits — he hotvs extravagantly.) 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 43 

Feed, (a-osses down l. c.) You carried that 
through splendidly. 

Sites, (r. c. one half) That's nothing. You 
should have seen me when I was your age. 

Feed. For a time I thought you were in earnest. 
I'll take good care you don't fool me again, (crosses 
down L.) 

(Enter Front from elevator l. 3.) 

(CRASH.) 

Sites, (to Front) Did you give her the flowers? 
Are you sure she got 'em? 

Front. (up r.) Am I sure, sir? Why, I 
wouldn't trust nobody with 'em but me, I give 'em 
to her myself. 

Sites. You did, eh? Well, here's a dollar. 
(gives money) And what did she say? 

Front. She said, sir. Why, she said — Oh yes — 
I remember now — she said you was a wonder, sir — a 
wonder. 

Sites. She said I was a wonder. Come and tell 
me that every few minutes. Here's five, (gives 
money. Front starts to exit l. 3. Sites crosses 
dovm joyfully r. g. ; stops, crosses up r. c. one half) 

Sites. Front. 

Front, (up c. l.) Yes sir. 

Sites. Get me a telegraph blank, quick. 

(Front rushes madly to office entrance l. 3.) 

Sites. Did you hear that, Fred? She said I was 
a wonder. 

(Re-enter Front, rushing and panting, with tele- 
gram.) 

Front, (crosses down c.) Hope I didn't keep 
you waiting, sir. 



44 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Sites, {crosses, sits bach of Tillie r., writing 
telegram) Thomas Ruckles, Manager, 

567 Montgomery Street, 

San Francisco, Cal. 
Eaise eyer3'body*s wages fifty per cent. 

Adolphus Weight. 

(Front crosses to Sites. To Front) Eush it. 
(Front rushes for office) Wait a minute. Wait a 
minute. (Front rushes hack. Writing) " And 
date it back six months." 

(Sites hands telegram to Front, tvho dashes into 
office.) 

Fred, {to c. l, one half) That will be a surprise 
party to Euckles. But will he know from whom it 
comes ? 

Sites, {to c. r.) Of course. Had to know my 
incog to be able to communicate with me. But, my 
boy, what do you think of Miss Oliver? 

Fred. Think of her? She's a wonder. Five, 
please. (Sites gives Fred a hill) 

Sites. But, joking apart. '\r\Tiat do you think of 
her? 

Fred, {crossing r. c, pocheting money) Charm- 
ing, sir, charming. 

Sites, {to l. c.) She can breakfast with me any 
day she wants to. If it wasn't for her, I'd take the 
next train for New York and I'd paint that be- 
nighted burg such a gay and spectacular carmine 
that it would stack up with a golden sun-set, like 
Pike's Peak against a consumptive mole hill. 

Fred. But, then, you wouldn't capture Bailey. 

Sites. Who cares for Bailey. He took only fifty 
tliousand and he needed the money, {goes L., count- 
ing money roll) 

Fred, {aside) This looks like a chance for me. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 45 

{aloud, crossing c.) Speaking of money, I have 
spent a good deal lately and 

Sites, {pockets money l. c, interrupting) And 
you need a little yourself. That's right, my boy, 
whenever you need cash come to me. All I ask is, 
if it's for a good cause — don't overlook your uncle. 
He has a few dollars to spend on good things himself. 

Feed. I'll remember you, never fear. 

Sites. Now, in regard to your present supply. 
When I started I figured on spending not more than 
three dollars a day. 

Fred. That" s simply burial charges. 

Sites. But I've had a resurrection — ^and all my 
actual cash is gone. 

Fred. That's awkward. 

Sites. Not very, {producing draft) Thinking 
I might need some money for the Bailey matter, I 
brought a draft for two thousand dollars. You see 
it is drawn to the order of Seymour Sites. Now I 
am known here as Adolphus Wright and might have 
some difficulty in cashing it. 

(Henrietta appears at elevator entrance, crosses UP 
c. doors.) 

Fred. But I am known as Sites' nephew and can 
get it honored without any trouble. 

Sites. That's the idea, exactly. So I'll endorse 
it, you get it cashed and we'll divide. That's fair, 
isn't it? (rro.w?^. ,5?;'/,<? l. of Tillie) 

Feed. I should sav so. (Sites endorses draft and 
hlots it on large hlofter on writing desh r.) 

Sites, {rises) There's the signature. And your 
uncle couldn't have done it better himself — could he? 
{gives draft to Feed) Let's try the clerk here first 
and if he hasn't got it, you can go to the bank and 
we'll soon have our little thousand apiece. 



46 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

{Exeunt Sites and Fred to office l. 3.) 

Heneietta. [crosses down c. one half) " I'll en- 
dorse it, you get it cashed, and we'll divide. We'll 
soon get our little thousand apiece. " What is his 
game now I wonder, {goes to blotter — tries to de- 
cipher signature but fails — talces blotter R. — to mir- 
ror — reads signature in mirror) S-e-y-m-o-u-r — Sey- 
mour ! S-i-t-e-s — Seymour Sites ! Another forgery. 
And the nephew's an accomplice, {replacing blot- 
ter on table) What a villain that man Bailey is and 
I was beginning to hope there was a mistake and he 
was innocent, {crosses c. one half) I really be- 
lieve I was getting — interested — in him. This shall 
be a warning to me. But the nephew ! That's a new 
development and an interesting one too. I'll cut this 
signature — no, I won't, I might not be able to prove 
where I got it. I'll keep the whole blotter. This is 
the best day's work I have ever done. (Henrietta 
carrying blotter — one of the large square ones used 
on writing desJcs — crosses L.) 

Sites, {crosses down c, reappearing l. 3) My 
dear Miss Oliver ! 

(Henrietta, astonished and dismayed, holds the 
blotter behind her and baclcs to sofa — drops blot- 
ter on sofa and sits on it. Sites crosses to her. ) 

Sites, {joyfully) I'm a wonder, eh? 

Henrietta. WTiat did you say? 

Sites. I said "I'm a wonder." 

Henrietta. Yes, I think you are. 

Sites. Well, if I am a wonder, what are you T 
wonder. 

Henrietta. Really, I don't know. 

Sites. Then II! tell you. You are the king pin 
in the bowling alley of women. {ivalJcs joyfully R. c, 
offpr tapping her playfully on sJioulder) 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 4'? 

Henrietta, (aside) If I could only get rid of 
liim. 

Sites, (to c.) You received the few modest 
flowers I sent you? 

Henrietta. Yes, they were lovely. Thank you 
very much. 

Sites. Don't mention it. They were Just a slight 
tribute to one whose beauty shames the fairest flowers 
that ever blew, {taking Henrietta's hand) If T 
could only tell you how much — (Henrietta ivith- 
draws hand) Wliat's the matter? You let me hold 
it yesterday. 

Henrietta. The circumstances were different 
then. I fainted. 

Sites. Just to oblige me, couldn't you faint 
again ? 

Henrietta. Do what? 

Sites. Faint again ! I wish to pour in your ear 
my whole soul's devotion, and I think I could pour 
it better if you didn't quite know what I was pour- 
ing. You see, I haven't made love to a woman for 
quite a few days now. 

Henrietta. I'm sorry for that, I object to ama- 
teurs. 

Sites. Wliy this coldness, Henrietta? 
- Henrietta, {rises) Sir! {remcnibering blot- 
ter, and sitting suddenly) You are presuming. 

Sites. But why this change? Yesterday you 
gave me the melting glance and to-day I get the 
freezing glare. 

Henrietta. You are mistaken, sir. 

Sites. Perhaps I am, but just the same there's 
more in this tlian appears on the surface. 

Henrietta. {'busi7iess vAth hlotter) Well, yes, 
perhaps there is. 

Sites. Then tell me what it is that I may blot it 
out — Come now, let's drop all our little differences 
and go for a quiet stroll on the beach. 



48 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Heneietta. I must deline; in fact I can't go. 

Sites, {suspiciously) Can't go. 

Henrietta. No. I must stay here. 

Sites. Waiting for somebody ? 

Henrietta. That's it. That's it. I'm waiting 
for a friend. 

Sites, (sitting beside Henrietta) Then I'll 
keep 3'ou company till your friend comes. 

Henrietta. That's very good of you, but it 
wouldn't be fair. She is likely to be so long. 

Sites. The longer the better since it leaves me 
with you. It will enable me to tell you of the pas- 
sion 

Henrietta. (interrupting) Not now! Not 
now! 

Sites. But now is the time. I might have a re- 
lapse by to-morrow. 

Henrietta. The fact is, I am very cross and 
irritable to-day. 

Sites. Who would have thought it. Is there any- 
thing I can do for you? 

Henrietta. Yes. Get me a drink of water, 
please. 

Sites. Make it wine ! Make it wine ! 

Henrietta. No. Water from that cooler, please. 
[pointing c). 

Sites. Certainly. 

(Sites crosses to water cooler c. up, starts to draw 
water — Henrietta rises and anxiously watch- 
ing Sites, pulls Hotter half way out. He no- 
tices the action in the mirror and turns. Hen- 
rietta pushes blotter bach and sits quickly. 
Sites, puzzled, brings water. She drinJcs and 
returns glass.) 
Sites, (crossing up to water cooler) What's the 

meaning of this — jack in the box business, I wonder. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 49 

(Sites replaces glass and ivaiclies mirror closely. 
Henrietta hastily places hlotter under sofa and 
rises. Sites sees the action.) 

Sites, (up c. one half. Aside) Vm. going to see 
what that is if it takes a life time. 

Henrietta, (crosses r. c. Gaily) How refresh- 
ing that was, I feel better now and will go for the 
stroll as you suggested. (Sites takes Henrietta's 
seat on sofa) I thought you wanted to go on the 
beach. 

Sites. I did, but I'm interested in that friend of 
3'^ours now. (Sites tries to reach hlotter with his 
foot — Henrietta observes him) 

Henrietta, (r. c. Aside) He saw me. (aloud) 
Surely after my accepting your invitation you don't 
intend to withdraw it. (sitting beside him and talc- 
ing his hand) You have no idea how disappointed I 
should be. 

Sites. What's that? Eight near your foot ! It's 
a mouse — a great big mouse. 

(Henrietta screams and stands on sofa with skirts 
raised. Sites pantomimes aside to show it is 
only a trick.) 

Sites. Keep perfectly quiet. Don't move and 
you'll be in no danger. (Sites gets down on hands 
and knees in front of sofa. Just as he is going to 
look under sofa, Henrietta, guessing his purpose, si^ts 
squarely in front of hi7n. He slowly raises his head 
till his eyes meet hers) 

(Enter Fred from office.) 

Fred, (crosses down c. one half) I've got the 
money ! I've got the money ! 

Sites, (on knees, crawls around hack of sofa iO 
Fred) Go and play solitaire with it. I'm busy look- 
ing for a pin. 



50 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Fred. But, we've got to divide, you know. 

Sites, (rising and pushing Fred up c. l. toward 
office) Go awa}'! Go away! (apart) Go outside 
and break one of those windows for me. (pointing 

L.) 

(Henrietta tahes blotter from under sofa and sits on 
it again) 

Fred. (c. l. one half. Apart) Break a window ! 
Sites, (up c. one half. Apart) Yes, and be 
quick about it. 

{Exit Fred to office. Sites returns to sofa, sits. 
Pantomime expressing he has another idea. 
Takes out handle er chief. Wipes face.) 

Sites. That boy will be the death of me. 

(Sites drops handkerchief. In picking it up looks 
under sofa, hut sees nothing. Rises, sits on sofa. 
Fred breaks the window with a crash.) 

Henrietta. (Jumping up and turning L.) 
What's that? 

(Sites sees blotter — picks it up — stares at it. Then 
fans himself with it. Henrietta turns again 
and sees Sites with blotter.) 

Henrietta. Very clever. 

Sites. (rising) IsTot bad for an amateur. 
(goes c.) 

Henrietta, (to l. c.) And now I suppose you 
understand matters. 

Sites. Blessed if I do. 

Henrietta. Of course not, you innocent thing! 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 51 

But I'm going to get that blotter — and jow — if I 
have to rouse the hotel. 

Sites. Get me. 

Henrietta. That's what I said. Now do you 
want publicity or will you give up without it? 

Sites. Publicity! Give up! (aside) Black- 
mail, (aloud) So that's your little game, is it? 

Henrietta. Exactly. 

Sites. Then let me tell you, you've made a mis- 
take in 3'our man. 

Henrietta. That's what they all say. 

Sites. Well, I mean it. So rouse the hotel, shriek 
for help, trot out the injured husband and I won't 
give up a cent, (pantomine for Henrietta indi- 
cating she sees he is on the wrong track) 

Henrietta. But I have no husband and don't ex- 
pect any money. I simply want that blotter. 

Sites. You need it in your business. I suppose. 

Henrietta. "NTot exactly in my business, perhaps. 
But I need it very badly or I would not have per- 
mitted it to come so near to causing a misunderstand- 
ing with one whom I esteem so highly. 

(Sound of cleric's gong heard in office. Front en- 
ters fi'om office and crosses leisurely toward ele- 
vator. ) 

Sites, (c. r., referring to blotter) And is this 
the cause of all the trouble? 

Henrietta, (l. c.) It is. 

Sites. Front. 

Front, (up c, rushing to Sites) Yes, sir. 

Sites. Buy five dollars' worth of blotters and take 
them up to sixty-eight. 

Front. Yes sir. (crosses up, at office entrance) 
Wouldn't you like a barrel of ink as well, sir? 

(Exit Front to office.) 



52 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Henrietta. But I shall have no use for all those 
blotters. 

Sites. Then keep them as souvenirs of the day 
we met, just as I intend to keep this one. 

Henbietta. {approaching him) But that is the 
very one I vs^ant. Now, Mr. Wright, dear Mr. Wright, 
give it to me — won't you, please? 

Sites. Who could resist you. You shall have it 
on one condition. Meet me on the drill grounds at 
the Fort at half-past three this afternoon. 

Henrietta. With pleasure — {aside, goes l. c.) 
And a detective. 

Sites. Then it is yours, {hands blotter to Hen- 
rietta, hut Iceeps hold of two corners) 

Henrietta. Thank you, and now — {hacking to- 
ward elevator, Sites folloiving, each retaining hold 
on two corners of the blotter and bowing together) 
Good-bye, till half-past three. 

Sites. Till half-past three. 

{Exit Henrietta with blotter to elevator. Sites 
stands c, smiling at Henrietta. Enter Front 
from office.) 

Front. It'll cost you a dollar, sir, for cartage on 
them blotters. (Sites hands Front a dollar without 
looking at him) 

Front, {crossing back to office) I'm losing me 
nerve. Ought to have made it five. 

{Exit Front to office.) 

Sites. And to think I doubted her. {starting for 
office) I must send her another bouquet. 

{Enter Julia from elevator r. 3-.) 

Julia, {crosses c. r. one half) Uncle ! I mean 
" Mr. Wridit." 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 53 

Sites, (up l. c. one half, turning) Hello, 
Julia. 

Julia. There's to be a matinee at the Soldiers* 
Home this afternoon, and Fred has an engagement. 
Do you care to go ? 

Sites. jSTothing would please me better, my dear, 
but the fact is, I — I have heard some news about 
Bailey which makes it necessary for me to leave for 
Hunting-ton at three o'clock. 

Julia. I'm very sorry, but probably I can find 
some other escort. You'll be back to-night? 

Sites. Certainly, my dear, certainly. (Julia 
crosses doivn l., aside) Matinee; what I'm looking 
for is a circus. 

{Exit Sites to vffice. Enter Tillie from elevator, 
she crosses stage up c.) 

Julia, (l. c, seeing Tillie) Going out? 

Tillie. (c. one half) Yes, Miss. I have an en- 
gagement with Lord Brazenface. 

Julia, (crossing up l. c. one half) How are 3^ou 
and his lordship getting along? 

Tillie. ISTicely, thank you, Miss. He's very soci- 
able — wanted to kiss me last night. 

Julia, How kind of him. 

[Enter Lord Brazenface r. 2.) 

Lord B. (^0 Tillie) Good-morning, Miss Bonds. 
Lovely weather for our stroll. Are you ready? 

Tillie. Quite, thank you. 

LoPtD B. (crossing to l. 2) This way, then, 
please, (opens door. Tillie exits l 2) 

Lord B. (crossing to Julia and chuchhig her un- 
der chin) You're a very pretty girl. 

Julia. How dare you! (hacking toivard office en- 
trance ) 



54 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Lord B. {following) Got a temper too ! But I 
don't mind. What's yonr name ? 

{Enter Crosby from office — Julia hacls toward him) 

Lord B. Yoit look stunning like that, you do^ 
really. 

(Julia hacks into Crosby's arms and gives a little 
scream of surprise.) 

Lord B. Hello, Crosby. 

Captain.' My appearance seems rather opportune 
for this young lady, and you will oblige me. Brazen- 
face — by 

TiLLiE, {reappearing L. 2) Are you coming, 
Brazy ? 

Lord B. In a moment. I dropped my handker- 
chief and your maid was good enough to call my at- 
tention to it. (^0 Julia) Thank you, my dear, 
thank you very much. I am a killer, {crosses L 2) 

Exeunt Lord B. and Tillie l. 2.) 

Captain, (up c.) I hope you were not much 
frightened. 

Julia, (up l. c.) I was more astonished than 
afraid. 

Captain. If I had only come a few seconds sooner. 

Julia. Your arrival could not have been more 
timely, and I thank you very sincerely, (Julia turns 
a^ if to go L. 3) 

Captain. Please don't go. (Julia stops) Un- 
fortunately I was not introduced to you at our meet- 
ing yesterday. My name is Crosby. I am captain of 
the 3nd Illinois. 

Julia, {drops down l. 3.) I am Miss Bird. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 55 

Captain, {drops down c.) Thank you. And 
Hiss Bird, may I — I should say we — may we not hope 
to have the pleasure of seeing you more than we have 
done since your arrival. 

Julia. Perhaps you misunderstand my position. 
I am Miss Bond's maid. 

Captain". Yes, but there is no mistaking a lady 
however she may be circumstanced. I should only be 
too happy to be of some service — show you round the 
Port, or anything like that. 

Julia. You are very kind, but I am afraid I must 
decline. 

Captain. May I ask why? 

Julia. Because of the difference in our stntions, 
{crosses e. c.) 

Captain, (c.) That doesn't affect me, I assure 
you. 

Julia. But it does me. Fo, captain, it would 
never do, for you are like the knight of the old ballad 
and I am only the ^waiting maid. 

Captain. But I swear • 

Julia. So did the knight. 

Captain. I protest 

Julia. So did he. 

Captain. This isn't fair. Do let me see you. 

Julia. I'm afraid not. {starts up r. c.) 

Captain. But don't you ever go for a stroll ? 

Julia. Yes. 

Captain. To the drill grounds? 

Julia. Occasionally. 

Captain. In the afternoon? 

Julia. Sometimes. 

Captain. At half-past three, 

Julia. About. 

Captain. This afternoon? 



5g THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Julia. Probably. 

Captain. Then if duty calls me to the drill 
grounds at half-past three, I shall see you. 

Julia, Perhaps. 

Captain, Do say " yes.'^ 

Julia. Couldn't. 

Captain. Why not? 

Julia. Miss Bonds may need me. (gefs up r. c» 
one half) 

Captain, (up c. one half) But if she doesn't. 
Come now, if she doesn't. 

Julia. If she doesn't ? 

Captain. Well? 

Julia. Well — may be. 

{Exit Julia to elevator.) 

Captain. That's tantalizingly indefinite. But FlI 
be there. 

(Enter Clingstone it. 2.) 

Clingstone, {down r. c.) Ah, Ealph, how are 
you and the young lady progressing? 

Captain. {crosses down c. l.) Er — rather 
nicely, I think, uncle. 

Clingstone, (c. r.) That pleases me greatly. 
Far be it from me to advise a marriage for mercenary 
reasons — hut you Avould do well, I think, to con- 
sider that you have simply your captain's pay, while 
she has a million in her own right. 

Captain. That's news to me. 

Clingstone. I thought T had informed you that 
Miss Bonds was wealthy. 

Captain. Miss Bonds! Yes. Oh yes! So you 
had. But to tell the truth, uncle, I don't think Miss 
Bonds and I would suit each other at all. She seems 
— what shall I say? — just — a trifle vulgar. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 57 

Clingstone. Eccentric Ealph ! Eccentric ! Only 
the poor are vulgar. 

Captain. She says, " I have saw " I could never 
marry a woman who says, "I have saw," {crosses 
R. c.) 

Clingstone, (c.) Simply a trifling detail which 
can easily be remedied. 

Captain. If she were half as charming as Miss 
Bird ■ 

Clingstone, (interrupting) And who, may I 
ask, is Miss Bird? 

Captain. Miss Bird ! She — why — she is Miss 
Bond's maid. 

Clingstone. Her maid? My boy, this will never 
do. Far be it from me to say anything against the 
young lady 

Captain. That would hardly be advisable, uncle. 

Clingstone. But consider your position, and 
your fellow officers. Would their wives associate with 
a servant? 

Captain. The woman who honors me by becoming 
Mrs. Crosby, will be to me the first lady in the world. 
Tf the wives of other men have a different opinion 
they can go hang themselves, as far. as I am concerned. 

Clingstone. But promise me you will do nothing 
rash. 

Captain. Of course I won't, uncle. I flatter my- 
self — I keep my feelings too well in hand for that. 

Clingstone. I hope so, fervently hope so — for 
your sake — for it would never do, my boy, it would 
never do. 

(Exit Clingstone l. 2.) 

Captain, (to c.) He is right. It would never 
do. I must content myself with the only wife a 
soldier should have — his sword. 



58 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

{Enter Lord B. and Tillie l. 2.) 

Lord B, Honestly, Miss Bonds, you are the best 
fellow of a girl I ever met. 

Tillie, Hear him, Captain, hear him try to 
" chaff me." 

Captain. I hardly think Lord Brazenface is doing 
that. 

Lord B. Of course not — mean every word of it 
— upon me honor I do. 

Tillie. If I didn't have money, you wouldn't look 
at me ; you know you wouldn't. 

Lord! B. Wouldn't I ? If you didn't have a shil- 
ling, I should still think you the jolliest girl in the 
world, for you can take a joke, you laugh in the right 
place at a funny story, and you sing a good song. 
You would he a divinity complete if you could only 
dance. 

Tillie. If I could only dance. All American so- 
ciety girls can do that, can't they, captain? 

Captain. So I have heard. 

Lord B. But I don't mean the two step, the waltz, 
or any of those things. I mean a regular out and out 
dance, you know. 

Tillie. That's just what I mean. 

Lord B. And can you dance like that? 

Tillie. Give me your opinion when I've finished. 

(Z)awce /or Tillie.) 

(While dance is on, enter Clingstone and Arabella 
from elevator, as though to cross to l. 2. 
Tillie Tcichs high, to the discomfiture o/Cling- 
STONE and Arabella, ivho exit hastily l. 2. Be- 
fore dance is finished Clingstone looJcs cau- 
tiously from L. 2. hnt quickly closes door again 
at seeing dance still on. At conclusion of dance) 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 59 

Captain and Lokd B. Bravo ! Bravo ! 

LoED B. Awfully, beastly jolly, that's what I call 
it. 

TiLLiE. But, fearfully warm. Was it worth a 
soda water? 

Captain. Indeed it was. Permit me. (offering) 

LoED B. (offering arm) Permit me. I'll make it 
a brandy and soda water. 

TiLLiE. (accepting the arm of each) I can stand 
both of them. Come along. 

(Exeunt Tillie, Lord B. and Captain to office l. 3. 
Enter Clingstone l. 2.) 

Clingstone, (crosses c. one half) You may 
enter now without fear, Arabella. 

(Enter Ailibella l. 3.) 

Arabella, (l. c.) It is simply shocking, simply 
shocking. "V\Tiat do you intend to do about it — Way- 
land? 

Clingstone. I don't know, my dear, (enter 
Sites from office) Let us consult this gentleman. 
(to Sites) We have Just witnessed a most disgrace- 
ful scene. 

Sites. Here ? 

Ar/^bella. Yes. 

Sites. What was it? 

Clingstone. It was — Arabella kindly withdraw 
a few paces while I break the sad news to Mr. 
Wright. (Arabella goes up l. c. stage) It was — 
a dance by a young lady. 

Sites. Is that all? 

Clingstone. But she (whispering) she elevated 
her pedal extremities. 

Sites, Did what ? 



60 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

(Clingstone points to his toes then raises his hand 
to indicate a high kick.) 

Sites. High kicking? 

Clingstone, I — I believe that is the name for 
the — operation. 

Sites. You don't say ! How high did she kick ? 
That high ! (standing on tip-toes and raising hand 
as high as possille) 

Clingstone, Eeally, sir, I don't know how high 
it was. 

Sites. Then you are. a disgrace to your sex. 

Arabella, {coming down Jj.c.) Wasn't it awful ? 

Sites. Not a bit of it. Youth will have its 
" fling " and we have all been young, {to Aeabella) 
Even you were young once. (Arabella draws her- 
self up in indignation) Yes, you were, it^s no use 
trying to deny it. And during that time didn't you 
ever {dances a few burlesque steps) 

Arabella. ISTever, sir ! !N'ever ! 

Clingstone. My sister never even witnessed such 
an exhibition. 

Sites, I suppose you never did either ; you hadn't 
used to see them every chance you could get ; Oh no ! 
(Clingstone crosses to Arabella) You didn't en- 
gage two of them to dance at ,your birthday party at 
college, did you. Of course not — it wasn't you — it 
was a man from Oskaloosa. 

(During the above speech Clingstone 7ifls been try- 
ing to get Arabella out of earshot.) 

Clingstone, (going to Sites) Please, please 
refrain from mentioning tb.e follies of my youth in 
the presence of my sister. 

Sites, (doivn R. c) My friend Seymour Sites 
has told me things about you that would make the 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 61 

Maharajah of Carputhania green with envy. Ah, if 
jou had only been like Sites, a model student free 
from all trace of wildness and wickedness — you 
would have nothing to regret now. 

Clingstone, {indignantly) Nothing to regret! 
Why, he was — ^he was — was — (changing) But it is 
against my principles to speak of the past of any 
man who has reformed as Mr. Sites has done. 

Sites. So Sites has reformed, has he? 

Clingstone. He has, indeed. But, reverting to 
our original subject, you woiild advise me to say 
nothing to the authorities about the exhibition of 
which I have spoken. 

Sites. ISFothing whatever to any one. 

Clingstone. Thank you. Thank you. I will be 
guided by your advice, (crossing with Arabella 
toward l. 2) But I think it was disgraceful — dis- 
graceful, (turning at exit) Especially as the young 
lady was one who should have known better, being 
Mr. Sites' niece. 

Sites, (c.) What? Sites' niece? 

Clingstone. Yes, Miss Bonds. 

(Exeunt Clingstone and Arabella l. 2.) 

Sites. Julia ! That's different. But I don't be- 
lieve it. And yet — why not? 

(Enter Front from ojfice with telegram and blanks, 
hands to Sites.) 

Sites, (opens telegram, looks at signature) Prom 
Euckles, I'll bet he was surprised. Areading tele- 
gram) " Som one has discovered your incog and 
wired me to raise salaries fifty per cent." He doesn't 
believe I sent the message, imagines T can't raise 
salaries if I wish to. I'll fool him. (crosses R., 



Q2 THE WKONG MR. WRIGHT 

writes) " The raise goes, only date it back a j^ear 
instead of six months/' {hands telegram to Fkont. 
Front exits to office) I gness that will teaeh him a 
lesson. 

(Enter Julia from elevator, crosses down c. l.) 

Sites, (to c.) Come here, Miss. These are nice 
stories I hear about yoii. 

Julia. About me ? 

Sites. Yes, they tell rae you give dancing exlii- 
bitions here and er — (repeats Clingstone's business 
about high kicking) you know. 

Julia. It's untrue — every word of it. 

Sites. You deny it? 

Julia. Absolutely. 

Sites. Well, I didn't put much faith in it myself. 

Julia. I''m surprised that you could put any faith 
in it. (showing symptoms of crying) If my uncle 
who has known me since childhood believes it how 
can I blame strangers if they do the same. 

Sites. Yes, but I don't believe it. 

Julia. But you did. How could you? 

Sites. There, dear, there, don't take it to heart so. 
Ever3i:hing will be all right, so let the smiles come 
back to your face. That's it, thaf s it. And I'll help 
the good work along. (Sites kisses Julia) 

(Enter Tillie, Lord B. and Captain from office 
l. 3) 

Lord B. Encore! Encore! Go it, old chap. 
Don't mind us. 

Sites. Excuse me, sir, you are making a mistake. 
This young lady is my — (aside) I daren't tell. 
(aloud) It will be all right when you understand. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT eS 

(TiLLiE E., Brazenface t,. c, Sites c, Julia l. c, 
Captain l.) 

Captain. I understand no"w, sir. You have taken 
advantage of this young lady's being here witliout a 
protector. 

TiLLiE. And ought to be thoroughly ashamed of 
yourself. 

Sites. But, I tell you that you're all mistaken. 
Wliy, I'm old enough to her father. 

Captain. And does that make any difference, sir ? 

Sites. I should say it does. You ought to study 
up on these fine points. 

Lord B. Eight you are, old boy, right you are* 
Hang it, Crosby, jou can't expect us young fellows to 
have all the fun. 

Sites. I would have you understand that I don't 
kiss this young lady for fun. 

Lord B. What do you do it for — exercise ? 

(Enter Feed from office.) 

Fred. Wliat's the trouble? 

Sites. jSTo trouble at all. 

Lord B. Of course not. Simply a little oscula- 
tory passage between December and May, interrupted 
by our unexpected anpearance. 
' Sites. Well, that's all right, isn't it, Fred? 

Fred. You gray-headed old sinner; what would 
your wife say? 

TiLLiE, Lord B., Captain f/?(? Julia. His wife? 

Feed. Yes. The cutest little brunette ! 

Sites. Don't you believe him. Don't you believe 
him. 

Captain, (crosses to Sites) This makes matters 
all the worse. I'll see, sir, that you leave this hotel.- 

Sites. Leave the hotel. ISTot on your steam yacht. 

Captain. We'll see about that, sir. 



g4 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Sites. What business is this of yours, anyway? 
Where do you come in ? 

Captain. I claim the right of an honest man to 
defend an innocent girl. 

Sites. But I tell you there's nothing in it. And 
to show what I think of your opinions and the opin- 
ions of all the others, {to Julia) Come here. 
(Julia goes to Sites. Henrietta appears at ele- 
vator entrance — Clingstone and Arabella appear 
L. 2) What do you think of this. {Jcisses Julia 
three times) And this, (Iciss) and this, (hiss, and 
this (Mss) 

(Sites starts toivard l. 2, sees Clingstone and 
Arabella. Turns toward elevator entrance, sees 
Henrietta. Crosses to c. followed by Henri- 
etta, Front etiters from office.) 

Feont. Did you ring, sir? 

Sites. Yqs. Send for an ambulance. 

CURTAIN 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 65 



ACT III 

Scene: — The parade ground at Fort Monroe. Old 
fortification about eight feet high, running from 
L. u. E. to K. u. E. 'Cannon pointing out to sea. 
Large archway c. Marine drop lacTc, showing 
through arch the tattle ships, Neiv YorJc, and 
Indiana, at anchor. Set officers' quarters e. 2, 
and R. 4. Flag staff with stars and stripes fly- 
ing UP stage R. Set tree opposite l. 3. Bench 
at foot of tree. Turf ha^ heen removed and re- 
placed with sand in circle round tree. 

Entrances through archway c. — to officers' quar- 
ters R. 2, and R. 4, l. 3, l. 4. 

Time: Same afternoon. 

At rise of curtain enter Julia c. r. 4. She 
carries a sunshade. 

Julia, {crosses doion c.) How angry the captain 
was. I believe he was jealous too. But, when I told 
him Mr. Wright was my uncle — that straightened 
matters immediately. I wonder if he'll come, {sits 
at tree l.) 

{Enter Lord B. c, r. 4, following Julia.) 

Lord B. {crosses down c.) My dear girl, why 
do you hurry so ? A fellow can't catch up with you. 
You shouldn't expect it; really you shouldn't. 

Julia. Expect it ! 



66 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

LoED B. Certainly. You knew I was following 
you. 

Julia. I knew nothing of the kind. 

LoED B. No ! Really ! Didn't you turn your 
head several times and go (nods) 

Julia. Ko sir. I did not. 

LoED B, Dear me, how bad my eyesight must be 
getting. 

Julia. It seems to me, Lord Brazenface, that a 
man in your position should be above persecuting a 
girl in mine. 

LoED B. Don't lecture. Please don't. Not that 
I object. Oh dear, no. But it isn't becoming — es- 
pecially after that little affair this morning. 

Julia. I assure you, sir, there was no harm in 
that. 

LoED B. Harm in kissing ! The very idea. But 
why hurt my feelings by selecting an old codger like 
Wright, when I am about? 

Julia. To save all possible misunderstanding I 
will tell you, (nses) in confidence, that Mr. "Wright 
is my uncle. 

LoED B. Your uncle ? Ha, ha ! That's rich, that 
is. Your uncle ! 

Julia, (goes c.) Yes sir, my uncle. 

LoED. B. Certainly my dear, certainly ! Too old 
to be your cousin — therefore your uncle. Come I say. 
I may look young, but I'm more than six. 

(Enter Tillie c. e. 4.) 

TiLLiE. (crosses doivn l. c, sharply) I thought 
I should find you here. 

LoED B. (crosses c. to her. Julia e. c.) And so 
you came. How jolly of you. 

TiLLiE. Looking from my window I saw you fol- 
lowing Miss Bird, my maid — and knowing she was 
comiufj here I had little trouble in finding you. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 67 

Lord B. I, follow your maid ! The very idea. 

TiLLiE. But I saw you. 

LoED B. Oh well, if you saw me, that's different. 

Julia. If you will excuse me, Miss, I will go. 

TiLLiE. I shan't need you again this afternoon. 
{goes to tree l. o.) 

LoED B. {crosses. Apart to Julia) If you wish 
to make another appointment ! 

(Julia loolcs indignantly at Lord B., turns disdain- 
fully and exits e. 2.) 

Lord. B. Gad, I am a killer, {crosses c.) 

TiLLiE. x4.ren't you ashamed of yourself? 

Lord B. Not at all. Because one adores the 
moon is no reason why one should not admire a star. 
(Julia) By jove, that's not half had. 

TiLLiE, (sitting on bench at foot of tree) If I 
were the maid and not the lady ! 

Lord B. You would still be the moon and I 
should still be moonstruck. That's another good 
one. I'm in great form this afternoon. 

TiLLiE. I don't believe you care for me at all. 

Lord B. You are the only woman I have ever 
loved and you can be Lady Brazenface any day you 
choose to name. 

TiLLiE. You'll change your mind. 

Lord B. ^Hiatever may be said against the Brazen- 
faces they marry whom they choose and they keep 
their word. 

TiLLiE. But I'm not pretty and smart like some 
girls I know. I can only dance. 

Lord B. Oh, well. You'll find lots of others who 
have danced and kicked themselves into the aristoc- 
racy. 

(Lord B. is about to seat himself near Tillie. She 
rises.) 



68 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

TiLLiE. You can sit there if you want to. Pm 
going, (crosses c. one half) 

LoED B. (l, c. one half) Far? 

TiLLiE. Not very. 

Lord B. Then I'll go with you and — ^what do you 
say to coming back after awhile to see the soldiers 
drill. 

TiLLiE, Wouldn't that be splendid. 

LoED B. It's the silliest thing. Great big strap- 
ping chaps doing this kind of thing, you know. 
(husmess) Forward march! Eight face! Left, 
right ! Great big fellows who could work, you know. 
It's the silliest thing. 

(Enter Clingstone r. 2.) 

Clingstone, (e. c.) I beg your pardon. May 
I speak with you alone for a moment, my lord? 

Lord B. This young lady ! 

Tillie. ({ntemipUng) Don't mind me. I'm 
going to the pier. Good-by. 

(Exit Tillie l. u. e.) 

LoED B. (crosses down c.) And now, old chap, 
fire away. 

Clingstone, (r. c.) It is about my nephew. 
Captain Crosby. He is in love with that young 
lady's maid. 

LoED B. Shows jolly good taste, too. 

Clingstone. But imagine his position if he 
marries her. The wives of the other officers would 
never associate with a servant. 

LoED B. He could quit the service. 

Clingstone. But how would he live ? He has no 
income but his pay. 

Lord B. That is awkward. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 69 

Clingstone. I wish you would put the matter to 
him in its proper light, my lord. I am sure your 
words would have great weight. 

LoED B. Certainly they would, certainly. I'll 
speak to him and then it will be all right. 

Clingstone. Thank you. Thank you. Good- 
afternoon, my lord, good-afternoon. 

(Exit Clingstone e. 2.) 

LoED B. (alone) I'll arrange matters the first 
chance I get. Of course he'll do what I advise. Of 
course he will. 

{Exit LoED B. l. u. e.) 

{Enter Heneietta and Clews c. from E.) 

Hen. (l. c.) You have the warrants for Bailey 
and young Mr. Bonds ? 

Clews, (c.) That part of -the 'business is all 
right. But are you sure of your man? 

Hen. So sure that I've planned a trip to Europe 
on the reward. 

Clews. But remember what the chief said. You 
must have a confession. 

Hen. That's what I'm after this afternoon and I 
want you as a witness. I'm to meet Bailey here in a 
few minutes. You hang about till you see me with, 
him, and then keep within hearing distance. 

Clews. I understand. But what kind of a man 
is he? 

Hen. T can't quite make him out. In fact some- 
how I feel sorry for him. But business is business, 
you know. 

Clews. I mean, is he likely to make trouble? 

Hen. He seems as liarmless as a dove, but just 
the same I think he'd put up a beautiful fight if he 
were cornered. 



70 "CHE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Clews. You do, eh ? 

Hen. Yes. jSTow we mustn't be seen together so 
you had better go. But be sure and keep me in sight 
as I siiggested. (goes down l.) 

Clews. All right ! All right ! {aside, going to 
R. 4.) He'd put up a beautiful fight! I don't like 
that. 

(Exit Clews r. 4.) 

Hen. (sits hy free) I don't quite understand 
that kissing episode, and for a minute — well, I believe 
I felt jealous. If I can feel sj^mpathy for a criminal 
I'd better get out of the business {looTcing off R. 2.) 
Why, there comes that girl now. AVhat can she be 
doing here I wonder, (hides teliind tree) 

{Enter Julia r. 2, with sunshade raised.. She lool'S 
about.) 

Julia, (r. c.) I v/onder why he doesn't come. 
It must be half -past three now. 

(Enter Sites c. from l. Sees Julia ivhose face is 
hidden hy sunshade.) 

Sites, (up c. one half) The fair Henrietta. 
I'll simiilate indifference. 

(Sites strolls carelessly toivard Julia. Coughs to 
attract her attention. Henrietta ivatching.) 
Julia, (r, c. Aside) The captain. 
Sites, (c.) I beg your pardon. 

(Julia turns quicMy to Sites.) 

Sites. Why, it's Julia. 

Julia. AVliat brings you here. You said you had 



THE WPvONG MR. WRIGHT 71 

business in Huntington, which must be transacted 
this afternoon. 

Sites. So I had ! So I had. 

Julia. Evidentl}^ you didn't go. 

Sites. Of course not. You see I — I — I 

Julia. Yes. 

Sites, {aside) I — (aloud) I should be there 
now only for that impudent young captain who in- 
terfered this morning. 

Julia. "V^^iat has he to do with it? 

Sites, (impressively) He sent word he wished 
to meet me here on a question of honor. x\nd when 
honor is concerned I let business slide, (pantomimes 
nside, expressing amusement at the idea. Hoes c. it. 
one half) 

Julia, (aside) "\Aniat a story ! He doesn't know 
I told the captain, (alovd) Surely you are not 
going to fight. 

Sites, (down c.) That will be for him to say. A 
fevf brass buttons and a blue coat don't scare me. If 
he wants a fight — he shall have it. But how about 
that matinee? What brings you here? 

Julia, {hesitating I — I — (sympathetically) 
I came here to save your life. 

Sites. "What's that? 

Julia. Captain Crosby is a terrible man and you 
must leave this place immediately, for I heard him 
say he had an appointment to kill you here at half- 
past three, (goes R.) 

Sites. You heard him say — (aside) She's lying 
to me. She's lying to me. 

Julia, (aside) I must get him away, (aloud) 
He'll be here in a moment. Don't meet him. He's 
terribly angiy. Go ! Please go. Go anywhere — 
only go. (crosses up r. c. one half) 

Sites, (c. Aside) She's trying to get rid of me. 
Wliat's her little game ? 



"^2 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Julia, (down r.) He is a noted duelist. If lie 
sees you here you are a dead man, so fly — fly 

Sites. In the face of the enemy. Kever ! {aside} 
I'll see this through if it's the last act of my life. 
{goes UP c. one half) 

{Enter Ckosby from officers' quarters and carrying 
a cane R. 2.) 

Julia, r. c. {rushing to Crosby) Spare his life I 
Spare it for my sake ! {apart) Pretend to be angrj'. 

Captain, (r.) Spare his life! Never! Never! 
{apart) What is it all about? 

Julia, {apart) Me. Go on ! Go on ! 

Captain, {crosses c. to Sites) You have — you 
tiave grossly insulted this young lady. 

Sites, (c. l.) I have, have I? 

Captain. You have persecuted her with your at- 
tentions. Against her wishes, you have followed her 
here. 

Julia, {close to Crosby. Apart) No! No! 

Captain. Why do you persist, sir. Why do you 
persist in — in — in 

Julia, {at Captain's r. side. Apart) Kissing 
me. 

Captain. In kissing me. 

Sites, Kissing you ! 

Captain. I mean her — in kissing her. 

Sites. None of your business. 

Captain. But I make it my business, sir. You 
shall answer for it — to me. 

Sites. Well, you can have any kind of answer you 
like, bowie knives, boomerangs, gatlin guns, toma- 
hawks or any old thing you want to mention. 

Captain. Do you mean tight, sir ? 

{Detective appears c, r. 4.) 
Sites. That's just what I mean. You pitched into 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 75 

me this morning about something that didn't concern 
you — now you do it again, and we might as well 
settle this thing now and here, (faces Captain 
closely) 

Captain. Very good, sir. 

Julia. Don't fight ! Please don't. 

Sites. You couldn't stop me now with a cyclone. 
(crosses down l. s. wallc, agitated.) 

Detective. That's a dangerous man. (loitli- 
draws of c. e.) 

Julia, (apart to Captain) Apologize. Please 
do. 

Captain, (apart) But, really, I 

Julia, (apart) For my sake. 

Captain, (c.) This young lady tells me I have 
been mistaken and so I — I withdraw my remarks. 

Sites, (crosses to him) Well, I don't. Every- 
thing I said goes, and goes right up to the handle, too. 

Henrietta, (l. of tree, hidden) He's as brave as 
a lion. 

Julia. But this gentleman apologizes. Don't you. 
Captain ? 

Captain. Yes, I apologize. 

Julia. You couldn't ask more than that. 

Sites. And so you apologize and withdraw all re- 
marks, do you. 

Captain. Yes. 

Sites. Then, I suppose I'll have to let it go at 
that. You military chaps are all right in your way, 
but when you begin mixing bluffs you ought to re- 
member that there are a few others. You can go now. 

Captain. I can go? 

Sites. That's what I said. 

Captain. But I can't go. I have an engagement 
here with a lady. 

Sites, (loohing at Julia) Just what I tlior:;:''it. 

Captain. But not with this lady, I assure yoii. 



74 THE WKONG MR. WRIGHT 

My engagement was with — was with — Miss Henrietta 
Oliver. 

(Henrietta, surprised for a moment, then situation 
dawns on her. Sites goes l. c, surprised. Cap- 
tain goes to Julia for a moment.) 

Henrietta, (aside) You shall pay dearly for 
that. 

(Henrietta exits c. l. 4.) 

Sites, (l. c.) With Miss Oliver? You say you 
have an engagement here now, with Miss Oliver? 
Captain, (to c.) Mtust certainly I do. 

(Sites taJces out his watch and loohs at it.) 

Sites. I must be hypnotized. 

Captain. You look surprised. 

Sites. I? Not a bit. That's not surprise. It's 
beatific expression conveying the idea that I am at 
peace with the entire universe. 

Captain. My only wonder is that Miss Oliver 
isn't here already. 

{Enter Henrietta c. from l.) 

Henrietta, (crosses down c. one half) I've kept 
my engagement, captain. 

(Surprise for Sites, Crosby and Julia. Picture. 
Henrietta up stage c. Sites l. c. Captain 
R. c. Julia r.) 

Captain. Your engagement ! With me ? 

Henrietta. Certainly. Didn't you arrange to 
meet me here ? 

Captain. Really I — I — yes, yes of course. Ha ! 
Ha ! How do you do. How do you do. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 75 

Julia, (with offended dignity) Then, if 3^011 will 
excuse me, I will go. 

Captain. jSTo, don't go. Please don't go. I — I — 
(looJcing in dismay at Henrietta, and from her 
again to Julia) 

Sites. Wlio holds the key to this Chinese puzzle? 

Henrietta. This is no puzzle that I can see. I 
have an engagement with Captain Crosby. It is for 
him to say if he intends to keep it. 

Captain. Of course — that is — I should like — if 
you AA^ould be kind enough ! 

Henrietta, {to Sites) You see how it is. Will 
you act in the Captain's stead? 

Captain. Yes, do. Tliere's a good fellow. 

Sites. Not for a million dollars. 

Henrietta. What ? 

Sites. I'm the tail to nobody's kite. If you have 
an engagement Vvdtli the captain — ^go with him. 
{goes L.) 

Henrietta, (c. l.) Yes, but you see I — I 

Captain. That's it exactly. She — she 

Sites. Very lucid, undoubtedly. But I don't 
quite grasp it. 

Captain. Then, the fact is, I had no engagement 
here with Miss Oliver at all. 

Sites. Which is the reason she kept it, I suppose. 

Henrietta. You are not entitled to an explana- 
tion, Mr. Wright, but I will make one. As I was ap- 
proaching a moment ago, I heard Captain Crosby 
claim an appointment here with me. To punish him 
for his presumption and to catch him in his oAvn trap, 
I took his words in the way you said. And now — 
good-afternoon, {starts UP c.) 

Sites, (l. c.) But that puts things in a differ- 
ent light, and I shall be only too happy to accompany 
you if you will permit me. 



76 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Henrietta. After the way you have behaved, I 
don't know that I ought. 

Sites, (goes to her) But, in the goodness of your 
heart, you will. 

Henrietta. Who could resist you. I am going to 
the pavilion. 

Sites. Then permit me. 

(Sites and Henrietta exeunt c. to r. Clews en- 
ters R. 4 and exits c. to R., as if following them.) 

Captain, {goes to Julia) That was too deep for 
me. 

Julia. Then you had no engagement with Miss 
Oliver ? 

Captain. Of course not. My claiming one was 
just a subterfuge. 

Julia, And yet she arrived so opportunely. It 
is really most extraordinary, [crosses c. l.) 

Captain, {to c.) The whole thing is most extra- 
ordinary, but what does it matter since it leaves us 
together. 

Julia, {sitting on bench at foot of tree and trac- 
ing in sand with parasol) Together! 

Captain. By the way. Miss Bird, did you ever 
play words? 

Julia. "Words?" 

Captain. Yes. It*s very simple. One traces a 
letter in the sand — the other follows -wath another let- 
ter and whoever adds the one which makes a word 
loses the game. Shall we try it? 

Julia. Just as you like. 

Captain, {sits on bench R. of her) Then we 
will. You make the first letter, please. 

Julia, {tracing) L. 

Captain, {tracing mth stick) 0. 

Julia, (tracing) V. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 77 

Captain, (tracing) E. 

Julia. You are beaten. That makes a word. 

Captain. Does it ? "V^liat word ? 

Julia. Love ! LOVE lo — {stop^ embarrassed) 

Captain. So it is. How stupid of me. Such a 
common word, too. Now it is my turn to begin, 
{tracing) Y. 

Julia. I think I had better not try it any more. 

Captain, Just once, please. 

Julia, (tracing) 0. 

Captain, (tracing) U. I am beaten again, that 
spells " you. " (tracing an I) And now, Miss Bird, 
how does it read? 

Julia, (reading) " I love you." 

Captain. Yes, and I love you. I have loved you 
since the first moment I saw you. 

Julia, But you have known me only since yester- 
day. 

Captain. Love is no question of time. It either 
is, or is not. I love you. And you — don't you care 
for me, just a little? 

Julia. More than a little. 

Captain. Then I am the happiest man in the 
world. 

{Captain kisses Julia. Lord B. enters c. from L., 
sees Captain kiss Julia.) 

LoED B. (crosses down c.) T say, Crosby, are you 
old enough to be her father, or are you her uncle. 

Captain, (rises, faces Beaz'RNface) I would 
have you to understand that this lady is to be my 
wife. 

Lord B. That won't do. That won't do at all, 
you know. Your mess woiild cut you dead, you know 
they would. 

Captain. Of all the impudent things I ever heard 



78 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT^ 

of, this is the worst. Just mind your OAvn business^ 
Brazenface. 

Lord B. That's all right. I don't blame you for 
falling in love with her — deuced pretty girl I tell you 
— but how will it end, eh? 

Captain. It will end by Miss Bird becoming Mrs. 
Crosby. Come now, Brazenface, if you loved a girl 
and she loved you, what would you do ? 

Loud B. Marry her in a minute. 

Captain. And that's what I intend to do in spite 
of them all. 

Lord B. (shakes his hand) Good boy. I admire 
pluck, even when the man is making an ass of himself, 
so if I can do anything for you, just call on me. 

Captain. And you'll do it ? 

Lord B. Of course I will. 

Captain. Then you have the chance right now. 
My uncle is coming, {indicating R. 2) Tell him Ave 
liave made up our minds to be married and nothing 
can prevent us. 

Lord B. (c.) I'll do it. 

Captain. Thanks. Thanks. 

{Exeunt Captain and Julia l. 3. Enter Cling- 
stone R. 2.) 

Clingstone, (r. c.) I saw you speaking to him. 

Lord B, (c. l.) And everything is all right. 

Clingstone. Thank you. Thank you. 

Lord B. Ever^^thing is all right. They are going 
to be married. 

Clingstone. Married! Oh dear! Oh dear! 
Wliy doesn't he think of his future. 

Lord B. He hasn't time now. He's too busy with 
his present. 

Clingstone. But he vail be ruined. 

Lord B. Let up, old chap, let up. Any man who 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 79 

asks a girl to marry him and then backs out, is a cad. 
Crosby isn't that kind of a fellow. 

Clingstone. I am so distressed I don't know 
"which way to turn. 

LoED B. {indicates L.) Then turn this way and 
go for a brandy and soda. 

Clingstone, Brandy and soda ! 

LoED B- Yes. Best thing in the world for that 
distressed feeling; 

Clingstone. I would not touch such a thing, sir. 
Brandy and soda, indeed ! No sir. I will go back to 
the hotel and get a glass of mJlk. 

{Exit Clingstone r. 2.) 

LoED B. Since he won't have one, I'l have two. 
Then I'll join the fair Miss Bonds on the pier. 

{Exit Lord B. l. u. e. Enter Sites and Henrietta 
c. from E., Clews foUoiving.) 

Sites, {crosses down c.) After all there is noth- 
ing so sweet in life as love. 

Heneietta. {crosses down l. c.) In people who 
have come to years of discretion. Wliat does a boy of 
thirty or thirty-five know of real affection. 

Sites. Ah. You choose the devotion of a man of 
riper years. 

(Henrietta sits on hench at foot of tree. Clews 
hiding behind arch R. c, listening.) 

Henrietta. Undoubtedly. Give me the man of 
judgment and experience. In my estimation a man 
of sterling character, like you, Mr. Wright, is worth 
a million of the butterfly young men usually met in 
such places as this. 



go THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Sites. You flatter me. You flatter me. 

Henrietta, Not iu the least. Though almost a 
stranger I have formed my opinion of you. 

Sites. A good one, I hope, 

Henrietta. How could it help being a good one. 

Sites, (siiting beside Henrietta) Thank you! 
Thank you ! As for my opinion of you, Miss Oliver, 
I could not adequately express it, even if I possessed 
the poetry of a Shakespeare and the oratory of a 
Demosthenes. 

Henrietta. Oh, Mr. Wright 

Sites, Since my eye first beheld you, my soul has 
been attuned to yours, and I have yearned to whisper 
in your ear the three little words " I love you." 
When I die those words will be found graven on my 
heart, for unlike woman's vows, they are not traced 
in sand. 

(Sites points to sand at foot of tree, sees the luords 
there and gazes at them in amazement. Rises 
and still staring at them, crosses to hack of 
bench as though to vieiv them from there.) 

Sites. There's been a mind reader round here. 

Henrietta, {pointing l. 2, after Jltlia and Cap- 
tain) I hardly think so. 

Sites. {looTcing l. 2) Of course. 

Henrietta, [aside) I must get down to busi- 
ness. 

Sites, {sitting) Er — how far had I got? 

Henrietta. Far enough to make it advisable for 
me to tell what I think of you. 

Sites. Oh, do let me finish, now I've started. 

Henrietta. No, no ! 

Sites. But that was only a warming up canter. 
Give me a chance to show what I can do when I've 
really struck my gait. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 81 

Heneietta. After me. 

Sites. Let me show you how I can go in the home 
stretch. I'm the greatest finisher in the business. 

Henrietta. For the present I'll take your word 
for it. And now, permit me. 

Sites. Of course, if you insist 

Henrietta. I do. My opinion of you. is this: 
You are a man of action, a man of deeds. There is 
no stroke too bold for you to take if you think the 
return will justify it. 

Sites. That's right. In my business, I'll take a 
chance with anybody. 

Henrietta. It was no search for gaiety that 
brought you here from San Francisco, for I be- 
lieve you said you came from there? 

Sites. Yes, I am from San Francisco. 

{Pantomime for Clews up c, shoiving point one has 
heen scored.) 

Henrietta. Then I am confident it was some- 
thing important that caused you to make the journey, 
something probably involving a large sum of money. 

Sites. Wliat a woman you are. You read me 
like a book ! (looks round cautiously) It was some- 
thing important that brought me. If the reporters 
knew I was here I would be in all the ISTew York 
papers to-morrow. 

Henrietta. But what is to prevent them from 
knowing ? 

Sites. The fact that I have taken another name. 

Henrietta. Then your name isn't Wright? 

Sites. ISTo more than yours. 

(Business for Clew^s up c. r.) 

Henrietta. Then there is a mystery — and I just 
love mysteries. 



83 THE WRONG ]Vm. WRIGHT 

Sites. What brought me here was a forgery. 
(Business for Clews.) 

Henrietta. How interesting. 

Sites. A forgery of $50,000. 

Clews, (up c. b. Aside) Xo doubt about it! 
He's our man. I'll go for assistance, (is about to 
exit c. R. when Henrietta sees him. He panto- 
mimes, conveying the idea he is going for help and 
exits c. to R. Henrietta, who has been falling in 
Jove with Sites, realizes what she has done and her 
heart smites her) 

Sites. It was this way. Before I started 

Henrietta. (impulsively, rising) Wicked 
woman that I am. What have I done? What have 
I done? Don't waste a moment or you will be cap- 
tured. (Sites stares in astonishment) That man 
was a detective. He overheard your confession and 
has gone for help. If you are here when he returns 
you are lost. 

Sites, (rises, goes c. . Aside) Wlieels! I must 
sooth her. (to Henrietta, soothingly) There. 
There, Don't get excited and you'll soon get over 
it. You'll soon get over it. 

Henrietta, (wildly pleading) But he'll be back 
in a moment, you will be put in jail, and I — I — shall 
be the cause of it, for I am a detective too. 

Sites, (aside, goes c.) She's even forgot her 
business. But then, millinery generally does go to 
the head at last. 

Henrietta, (crosses to him) Don't you under- 
stand? He was listening and heard all you said. 
If anything happens to you I shall never forgive my- 
self ! Never ! 

Sites. (soothingly) That's all right, little 
woman. That's all right. Hold up your head and 
breathe hard and it will soon pass away. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 8^ 

Henrietta. I came here purposely to trap you 
and get the reward. You treated me kindly and how 
have I repaid you? But there is yet time to escape, 
so fly — fly. {crosses up c. l. one half, looking after 
Clews) 

Sites, (aside) ISTow she wants me to fly! This 
must be fly-time round here. 

Henrietta, (turns down c. one half) Can't I 
make you understand? Will nothing bring you to 
realize the position you are in? (crosses up again) 

Sites. (a>side) If she fainted here it would be 
awkward. 

Henrietta, (crosses down to him) Go, for my 
sake, go ! See, on my knees (kneeling) I beg of you, 
I implore you to escape. 

Sites, (aside) It's another ease of faint, sure. 
(aloud and assisting Henrietta to bench) Never 
mind ! Never mind ! 

(Sites takes Henrietta's hand in his and rubs 
them vigorously.) 

Henrietta, (rises, snatching hands away and 
crossing R. c.) Are you insane? 

Sites, (l. c. Aside) That's a sure sign. 

Henrietta, (going down stage r.) He won't be- 
lieve me and he'll be taken — ^he'll be taken. 

Sites, (following Henrietta) Tell me — tell 
me, little one, do you get these often? 

(Clews and two policemen enter c, from r. Clews 
points to Sites and policemen approach him 
with burlesque caution. Clews remains hack 
c. Henrietta sees them.) 

Henrietta crosses, Sites crosses 

Henrietta. There they are. There they are. 
They've come for you ! They have come for you. 
Sites. Oh. but she has 'em bad. 



84 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

{The policemen pounce on Sites. Violent struggle 
ensues with Clews watching and advising hut 
taking no part. Sites finally overcome and 
seated on bench ivith policemen standing guard.) 

Clews We've got him ! "We've got him ! 
Sites. What is the meaning of this outrage ? 
Clews. Don't talk back, now, or you'll get it 
worse. 

(Policemen threaten with clubs.) 

Sites. Somebody will pay for this. 

Clews. Yes — Old man Sites ! 

Sites. I'll make it warm for you. I'll show you 
about treating me in such a manner before this lady. 

Clews, (laughing) That's good, that is. (Po- 
liceman laugh silently and nudge each other. To 
Henrietta) You must have fooled him in great 
shape. 

Henrietta. Yes. I — I 

Sites, {rises. Policemen tahe hold of him) 
How dare you address any remarks to her, sir. 

Clews, {laughing) But this is rich, {to Sites) 
Why, she is the smartest female detective in the coun- 
try. 

Sites. You are gi-eatly mistaken. That lady is a 
milliner. 

Clews. Well, she trimmed you all right, {to 
Henrietta) Shall we search him here or take him 
to the hotel. 

Henrietta. N'ot here. ISTot here. 

Sites. What's that? Search me? Once for all I 
demand an explanation. 

Clews. Then if you must know, my dear Mr. 
Bailey, you are under arrest for stealing $50,000 from 
Mr. Seymour Sites. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT gS 

(Sites, dumbfounded with amazement sinks onto 
bench. Then the absurdity of the situation 
strikes him and he laughs uproariously.) 

Sites, {laughing) And so — you arrest me — for 
robbing Sites? 

Clews, (c.) That's the idea exactly. 

Sites, {laughing) But don't you see, I — I — 
this is the funniest thing I ever heard. 

Clews. Now is your time to enjoy it. It will be 
different in half an hour. 

Sites, {laughing) Yes, but — — I shall die. I 
shall die. Wliy I — I am Sites, {laughing uproar- 
iously. Policemen look at each other in astonish- 
ment) 

Henrietta. You are Mr. Sites? 

Sites. Yes. This is the funniest thing, {laughs, 
crosses) 

Clews, {c. l., disgusted) See here. You did a 
clever piece of work, ISTow don't spoil your reputa- 
tion by springing any such fairy story as that. 

Sites. It isn't a fairy story. I am Seymour Sites 
of San Francisco whose cashier robbed him of $50,- 
000. Here's one of my cards. (Sites hands card to 
Clews ivho laughingly hands it to Henrietta) 

Henrietta, (c.) But you told me that was not 
your card and that yon happened to have it because 
you formerly worked for Mr. Sites. 

Sites. That was all for a purpose. 

Clews. Too thin, my boy, altogether too thin. 
(crosses) 

Sites. But I tell you I am Sites. 

Clews. Then why are you here under an assumed 
name? 

Sites. I got a tip Bailey was headed this way and 
came to capture him. 



gg THE WRONG MR. WRIGHOT 

Heneietta. Then why did you take the name of 
Wright, the very one under which he is traveling. 

Sites. Has Bailey taken the name of Wright, 
too? 

Clews. It's no use trying the innocent dodge. 
It don't go. 

Sites. Maybe it doesn't go. But as soon as I can 
get word to your chief, I'll see that you do go. 

Clews. You threaten me, do you? Then well 
end this thing right here. Bring him along, boys. 

(The Policemen approach Sites.) 

Sites, (rises) I'll brain the first man who lays a 
finger on me. 

Heneietta. Just wait a minute, there. I have 
something to say about this case, (to Sites) You 
insist that you are Seymour Sites and not Bailey? 

Sites. I should say I do. 

Hexeietta. What proofs have you of your claim ? 

Sites. Lots of 'em. My letters (producing let- 
ters) Xo. They are addressed to me under my as- 
sumed name. But, then, (searching pockets) I've 
got— got 

Heneietta. Well. 

Sites. ISTever mind what I*ve got. I tell you Fm 
Sites. 

Henrietta. But that isn't proof. 

Clews. I should say not. 

(Enter Clingstone and Arabella r. 2.) 

Sites. So you don't believe me. Then let me 
warn you. (sees Clingstone) Ah ! Ask him who 
I am. 

Clingstone, (e. c.) I beg your pardon. 

Sites. Come now, Wayland, old man ! 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 87 

Akabella. (r.) I never heard of such imper- 
tinence. 

Sites. Let yesterday be yesterday. Take a good 
look at me, recall the scenes of our youth, and then 
say who I am. 

Clingstone. This is really remarkable. Yester- 
day he thought I was a confidence man. To-day he 
requests me to recall the scenes of his youth. The 
poor creature, I suppose, is mentally unbalanced. 

Sites, (starts for Clingstone, Policemen Jiold 
Mm hack) I'm not unbalanced now, but I shall be 
if this keeps up. Wliat I want to know is, am I or 
am I not Seymour Sites. 

Clingstone. Mr. Sites ! Certainly not ! He is 
a Christian gentleman. 

Arabella. And would never behave toward me, 
sir, as you did yesterday. 

Sites, {to Clingstone) But, didn't you call me 
by his name when we met? 

Clingstone. I did. But you repudiated it so 
emphatically that I was soon convinced of m}^ error. 

Sites. But that was all assumed. Now, Way- 
land, Wayland, old fellow, didn't we go to college 
together? Didn't we chum together? In scrapes, 
and out, were we ever divided? 

Clingstone. Eeally I, I 

Sites. Didn't we play together on the football 
eleven? Don't you remember the old signal 16-37-58- 
4-11-44 round the end, eh? 

Clingstone. Eeally I — I think it is ray old col- 
lege chum. 

Arabella. \¥ell, I don't. As he knows so much 
about confidence people he is probably one himself. 

Henrietta, {to Clingstone) Could you swear 
he is your old friend? 

Clingstone. I am not in the habit of swearing—^ 
but — I think I could. 



88 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT" 

Sites. Of course j^ou could. 

Arabella, You could do nothing of the kind^ 
Wayland. 

Clingstone. Well — no — since my sister has 
spoken I am afraid I couldn't. 
THE WRONG ME. WRIGHT— Galley 25 

Sites, {sinks on tree seat} And yet, people won- 
der at crime. 

{Enter Lord B. and Tillie l, 2.) 

Henrietta. Your niece. Miss Bonds, would know 
you, of course. 

Sites. Would she? I am beginning to doubt it, 

Henrietta. We'll try her anyway, {to Tillie) 
Pardon the question, but is this gentleman your 
uncle ? 

Lord B. He seems to be everybody's uncle. 

Tillie, Well, I should say not. I never set eyes 
on him in my life till yesterday. 

Sites. For which I am deeply grateful. 

Henrietta. Then you don't claim this lady as 
your niece? 

Sites. Hardly. I've got trouble enough now. 

Henrietta. But, if you are Mr. Sites, and Mr, 
Bonds is your nephew. Miss Bonds there, must be 
your niece. 

Sites, {rising) That — Miss Bonds! 

Henrietta. Certainly ! 

Sites, {astounded) Why — why — {calmly) It's 
a dream — all a dream — I'll wake up in a minute. 

Lord B. T^Hiat's it all about anyway? 

Clews. That man there is the cleverest forger that 
ever worked in America. 

Sites. But it's all a mistake. 

Lord B. Of course it is. A man wouldn't dare to 
forge if he has a face like yours. 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 89 

Clews, {approaches Sites) This case is a cinch. 
There's no mistake about it. 
Sites. Don't you believe him. 

{Enter Feed r. 4.) 

Lord B. Of course I don't. Brace up, old chap, 
brace up. We'll pull you through. 

(Feed comes down R. c.) 

Sites, {seeing Feed) Ah, here's somebody who 
can settle the whole business. Do you know who 
he is? 

Henrietta. That is Mr. Bonds, a nephew of Mr. 
Sites. 

Sites. Then ask him who I am. 

Henrietta, {to Fred) Mr. Bonds, there is some 
doubt as to the identity of this gentleman- — will you 
kindly tell us who he is? 

(Feed misunderstands the situation and thinTcs 
Sites is trying to preserve his incog.) 

Feed. With pleasure. 

Sites, {sinks on seat) Now, you smart people 
will soon see. 

Fred. That is my uncle's former clerk. His name 
is Wright. 

(Henrietta disappointed. Clews and Policemen 
triumphant.) 

Sites, {rises, angry) No. Fred! No! That's 
all off now. Tell the truth. 

Fred. Sir. 

Sites. Don't be a fool. Tell these people who I 
am. 



90 THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 

Fred. I have done that already, {apart. Crosses 
to Sites. All others up stage half way talk in panto- 
mim.e) Keep it up. Keep it up — we can bluff them 
all right. 

Sites. But I don't want to bluff them. I want 
you to say whether you are my nephew or not. 

Fred. Your nephew? Certainly not. Ha, ha. 
The very idea, [apart) You're good. You're good. 
Keep it up. 

Sites. You infernal young ass. 

Fred. Excuse me, but I allow no one to talk to 
me in that manner except my uncle. 

(Sites almost explodes with wrath. Then he gulps 
it down and tries another tack.) 

Sites. Now, Fred, my boy, see here. This is a 
serious matter. They say I am 

Clews, {steps forivard. Policemen go either 
side of tree) Never mind what we say. 

Sites. Well, then, Fred, it's this way 

Clews. Never mind about that either. All we 
want to know is who you are. 

Sites, (^o Fred) Then hang it all. WlioamI? 

Fred. To the best of my knowledge and belief you 
are Adolphus "Wright of San Francisco. Now are you 
satisfied, {apart) You ought to be on the stage. 
Keep it up. Keep it up. 

Sites, {choking with rage) All I can say for you 
is that in a competitive exhibition of natural and in- 
curable idiots you'd have absolutely no difficulty in 
taking first prize in Class A. 

Fred. I protest against being compelled to submit 
to such language from this fellow, {apart) I'm 
not so bad myself, am I? 

Henrietta, {steps forward) Then you deny 
that he is your uncle Seymour Sites? 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 91 

Fred. Of course I do. 

Henrietta. If he is not your uncle, why did you, 
this morning, cash a draft for $2000.00 to which he 
had endorsed your uncle's signature? 

Sites. Good ! Good ! Another Daniel come to 
judgTnent. 

Fred. Why did I — {to Sites) They're on to us. 
I might as well confess. 

Sites. Wliat is there to confess? All you have to 
do is to drop that just before-the-battle-mother ex- 
pression and tell the truth. 

Henrietta, (to Sites) You admit you wrote 
the signature? 

Sites. I should say so. 

Henrietta, {to Fred) And you saw him write 
it and cashed the draft. 

Fred. Yes. 

Clews. That's all we want, {to Policeman) 
Arrest him as an accomplice. 

{A Policeman taJces Fred in charge on his l.) 

Sites and Fred. A what? 

Clews. A pal, if you like it better. He secured 
the money, knowing you had forged his uncle's name. 

Fred. But he is my uncle. 

Clews. Too late, young man. Too late. 

Sites. Suffering sinful Sennacherib, but couldn't 
I swear a sizzling streak. 

Lord B. {down l.) This is the bloomingest. fun- 
niest mixed-up thing I ever saw. 

Fred. But what is it all about? 

Sites. You're wonderful smartness has convinced 
them that I am Bailey and so they arrest me for 
robbing myself of my own money, and you cashing a 
draft, to which I had forged my own signature. 

Fred. Absurd, (to Clews) Take my word for 
it, this is my uncle Seymour. 



93 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 



Clews. Oh, get out. 

Sites, {to Feed) Keep it up. Keep it up. 
You're good, [to Clews) Take me away. I'm re- 
signed to my fate. 

{Enter Julia aiid Captain e. 2.) 

Feed. {struggling) But I am not. I'll be 
hanged if I'll submit to anything like this. 

(Fred a^id Policeman struggle.) 

Julia. How dare you lay a finger on him. How 
dare you treat my brother that way. 

All. Your brother? 

Fred. Yes. For she is my sister and that 
{pointing to Tillie) is her maid. 

TiLLiE. That's right. Mr. Clingstone mistook 
me for Miss Bonds and she agreed to let me play the 
part. It's been lots of fun, but — but — {loohing at 
Lord B.) 

Lord B. I'll take you anyway. 

Henrietta, {to Sites) Then she (Tillie) is 
not your niece ? 

Sites. No, but this young lady is. Julia, tell the 
truth now, who am I ? 

Julia. The real truth? 

Sites. The real, real truth. 

Julia. Then you are my Uncle Seymour Sites. 

Sites. At last. 

{Enter Front r. 4, ivith telegram, crosses down to 
Henrietta, give same.) 

Clews. Very clever. But not quite good enough 
for me. 

Front. {to Henrietta) Telegram for you. 
Operator said it was important, {exit e. u.) 



THE WRONG MR. WRIGHT 93^ 

Henrietta, {opens telegram, glances at signa- 
ture) From the chief, (reads) " You are on the 
wrong track. Bailey captured this morning in New 
York. Wired news to San Francisco. Sites' manager 
replies : " Sites is at Old Point Comfort under the 
name of Adolphus Wright. You report capture to 
him. Then return with Clews immediately." 

LoED B. There you are, old chap. I told you we'd 
pull you through. 

Sites, (to Clews) And now what have you to 
say for yourself? 

Clews. We've been after the wrong man, sir, and 
I hope you won't think it necessary to report any- 
thing unpleasant to headquarters, (exit with Po- 
licemen c. E.) 

Sites, (^0 Henrietta) And you? 

Heneietta. I have conducted this case so badly 
I shall resign my position immediately. 

Sites, (goes to her) Let me give you another. 
Take me into custody. 

Heneietta. You are my prisoner. 

Sites. For life. 

CUETAIN 



5 IS 13 







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